16 Female Behaviors Even We Don’t Understand

Yes, women are complicated creatures. We are aware that men are baffled by us most of the time and we apologize for that. We can’t help it sometimes. Half of the time we don’t even understand why we do the things we do. I mean, I had to flip a coin last night to decide if I was going to go to the gym or stay home and watch “The Biggest Loser.” Why? I have no idea. While I try to make a concerted effort to get to the bottom of the mystery of me (ahem, therapy), that doesn’t mean I have a clue about some of the other members of my gender. After the jump, some female behavior that completely baffles me. Add yours in the comments.

  1. Dragging your boyfriend shopping. Guys typically hate shopping. Shopping should be fun and relaxing. Having Donnie Downer there with you ruins everything. Let him do something he actually wants to do … on his own. You can carry your own damn bags.
  2. Acrylic nails. Don’t you want to be able to pick your nose occasionally? Plus, your were born with REAL fingernails.
  3. Transforming into a bridezilla on your wedding day. Why are you losing it over my close-toed shoes that I never wanted to buy in the first place? Everyone is looking at you anyway. Get your expectations in check.
  4. Wanting to spend every waking second with your man. Good God, girl, don’t you have anything you need to take care of on your own?
  5. Crying at rom-coms. How are you able to suspend disbelief long enough to whip up tears? Rom-coms are meant to be laughed at.
  6. Dousing yourself in perfume and scented body lotion. I don’t want to smell you coming 10 miles away. Nobody does. Be kind to the noses of others.
  7. Getting all done up on a Sunday afternoon. Unless you are off to church or a formal event, full hair and makeup on a Sunday is a complete waste of energy. It’s brunch, not prom.
  8. Talking on the phone for hours and hours and hours. Does anyone really do this past the age of 16?
  9. Carrying little tiny dogs around in purses. It’s not a good look. Let your little pup walk around on all fours, the way dogs are meant to.
  10. Fake eyelashes. Just. Don’t. Get. It. Glue near eyeballs is an unnecessary infection waiting to happen.
  11. Constantly worrying your S.O. is going to cheat on you. If you are so paranoid, why are you even dating him?
  12. Wearing matching bra and panties on the daily. That is just so much work. And so much money. And so much laundry.
  13. Saying, “I’m fine,” when clearly you are not. If you’re pissed about something, why not just say so instead of being pass-aggro?
  14. Calling your mom your “best friend.” You may be super close to your mom, which is highly encouraged, but really? Your “best friend?” She’s your mother. You need to get out more.
  15. Speaking in a high-pitched voice. Otherwise known as screeching when other females are around. We are not geese, we are women. Keep your decibel level in check.
  16. Refusing to assemble your own Ikea furniture. Come on, at least give it a shot before you call the dude squad for backup.