Dear Wendy Updates: “Doesn’t Use Pot Holders” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Doesn’t Use Pot Holders,” who wrote in because her boyfriend’s sister, whom he shared an apartment with, hated her. After the jump, find out if the sister managed to wreck the relationship and how everyone is doing today. “Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?”

Thank you for your advice! I am happy to report that things have gotten better with the sister. After writing the letter and my boyfriend experiencing a major blowout (essentially delivering an “if you don’t break up with her, I’ll make your life miserable” ultimatum) I decided to stop coming by the apartment altogether. I stopped going to his family’s house outside the city. And while I don’t believe things got better in that time, I was able to step away and have it stop affecting me so. Aside from that, I don’t believe I really did anything to help — what did help was more circumstantial. When his sister got a boyfriend, the verbal bashing slowed way down. I guess she found a better outlet for her time!

There were a lot of commenters that jumped on you about your assumption of a mental illness. In your defense, I did find that she has a long history of suffering from severe anxiety. Though she has no official diagnosis, the family has always been aware of this which could be an explanation of how my boyfriend reacted to her (ignored her, mostly) in the situation.

In a turn of the tables, and maybe a little bit of well-deserved karma, my boyfriend’s mother absolutely loathes his sister’s boyfriend and she has had a very difficult time dealing with her very open opinions. In fact, she even came to my boyfriend for support and his response? “I was in that situation and you didn’t make things easy for me.”

When I spoke to him about it in the beginning, he assured me that no amount of talk from her end would change how he felt about me. He understood my need to stay away from his apartment and made extra effort to spend more time at mine.

Though I believe we will never be genuine friends, things are at least amicable now. She knows I’m not going anywhere and I know she’ll never change the type of person she is. And that’s that! Families are part of the package. Though, I’ve already put my foot down and stated that when the time comes, we’re going to live away from the family! Thanks again, Wendy!

Thanks for the update!

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.