An Imagined Conversation With This Neiman Marcus Model

Me: Umm, excuse me?

Model: What?

Me: I’m sorry, it’s just that I couldn’t help but wonder what you’re doing… Model: Step aerobics. What does it look like?

Me: That’s actually the problem: it does look like you’re doing step aerobics.

Model: And your point?

Me: Well, first of all, you’re wearing high-heeled sandals.

Model: Aren’t they fabulous?

Me: Absolutely, but wouldn’t sneakers have been a more sensible choice? Those can’t be good for your ankles.

Model: Oh, don’t you worry about my ankles. I grew up on a dairy farm. My bones are as strong as Wolverine’s.

Me: Like, Wolverine from X-Men?

Model: Of course.

Me: Okay then. But I couldn’t help but notice that those are Tory Burch sandals. Those cost you, what, 500 bucks?

Model: $495.

Me: Right. So here’s the thing: if I owned a pair of $500 sandals, I would keep them in a bulletproof glass case and only take them out for very special occasions.

Model: Like step aerobics?

Me: Like a lunch date with the President.

Model: What about dairy farming?

Me: (Sigh) Sure. Why not.