Dear Wendy Updates: “Weight Issues” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Weighty Issues,” whose long-distance boyfriend told her that while she had a pretty face, her weight had started bothering him. “I have dropped some weight since I’ve first known him,” she wrote, “and currently wear S-M shirts, US size 8 in pants.” She went on to say: “I sometimes want to end the relationship because of this and because he doesn’t seem to be as attached as I am, but a part of me wants to see what happens next year.” Well, it’s now “next year,” so after the jump, find out what she decided to do.“He’s Choosing Porn Over Me”

Thank you, Wendy, for your feedback and I appreciate all the advice from readers. It’s taken me a while to write back because I had feelings for my boyfriend, and I hoped the relationship could be salvaged. I talked it over with him again and he seemed truly apologetic, not realizing how his comment would make me feel. I had lost weight and was fine with the way I looked, although there’s always a few pounds a girl wouldn’t miss. And since many were wondering, I am 5’7. Since I first wrote in, I did lose more weight (down to a size 4-6) and realized slowly that maintaining a certain weight had become obsessive. I couldn’t figure out anymore if I was doing it for me or him. I would constantly worry about any fluctuation in my weight and wonder what HE would think about the way I looked, how HE would judge me when we saw each other next.

In one argument, I suggested to him maybe he should find somebody who fits his criteria better but he was adamant that I had many of the qualities he was looking for in a relationship, and that while he wanted me to be healthy and “fit,” that again, it wasn’t a “dealbreaker.” This did not make me feel better; I hated the word “dealbreaker,” as it meant he wasn’t satisfied with me but was accepting the flaws I apparently had. I don’t think I’m perfect, but it felt like he was looking for perfection. His argument was that when we were finally together, the time would come where there would be things I would like changed about him. I told him that there was nothing essentially about him I would change; I truly accepted him as he was and being together full-time wouldn’t change that. Though I tried to move past this whole thing, I realized that I couldn’t and so I ended the relationship. I remembered the good but could not forget the little judgmental comments he would make. I could no longer take wondering what would satisfy him — wondering what future remark he would make not knowing how it could affect me. Just glad he was honest from the beginning so I wouldn’t waste time with someone who wasn’t interested in loving me as I am.

Good for you, girl!

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.