How USC Frat Boys Are Silently Judging You (And Plotting To Rape You)
The barfy things that frat boys do know no bounds. Fellow ladyblog Jezebel obtained an email yesterday which was allegedly written by a brother in USC’s Kappa Sigma fraternity instructing his brethren on how to “rate” their conquests. There’s a numbered scale, people. Oh, and rape jokes.First, the author implores his fellow Kappa Sigmas to email him (the author claims to be a dude) detailed information about their hookups, not so everyone can have a high-five and a laugh, but so the frat brothers will know which “sorostitiutes” are DTF:
“Please send me all of your hook-ups in Tucker Max format (for those unfamiliar with this legend, google will suffice). These renditions should be elaborate and interesting. I want raw data on who f**ks and who doesn’t. In conclusion the gullet report will strengthen brotherhood and help pin-point sorostitiutes more inclined to put-out [sic]. From my experience when a female goes Ksig shes typically repeats.”
Then the author moves on to arguably the most offensive part of the email in which he or she describes various body parts his fellow frat boys can enjoy on their “targets”:
“Note: I will refer to females as ‘targets.’ They aren’t actual people like us men. Consequently, giving them a certain name or distinction is pointless.”
So funny. What a comedian this one is.
The parts on a “target” to enjoy are the “pie” — the vagina — and the “gullet” — the mouth — and you had better believe he goes into detail describing the various names for loose versus tight pies. And date rape jokes! Behold, gentle readers, a “loop ‘n doop,” which is a girl who is easy to date rape if you give her enough alcohol:
“Loop n’ Doop: A target that is very easy to take down. All she takes is a good amount of liquor (loop) and she will be good to go for you to f**k her (doop). Be careful with loop n’ doops, because too much loop and they will get sick and be useless entities.”
The author’s ranking system for women, including “fatties and uglies” who are grouped under the category of “filth,” is unoriginal, of course:
- 10: The likes of Marissa Miller and Megan Fox. No one will ever get this.
- 9: If any of you are lucky to get so close to perfection, feel blessed. If you f**k this up, you should be lynched. This is your ceiling.
- 8: See #7
- 7: Wife Status. Be careful not to f**k this up.
- 6: Date Status. Be careful when you cheat, but still cheat.
- 5: Apply the 5×5 rule. Toot it 5 times, and then boot it. Move onto the next piece of pie.
- 4: One night stands, but they are fairly attractive. Should not be repeats.
- 3: The filth cut-off. These are not attractive women, but sadly many of you have f**ked these.
- 2: Still filth. Still Pathetic.
- 1: Anything this close to 0 is bad. You better be three Four Lokos deep to justify this abomination.
- 0: Let me just say from experience, when calculating your lifetime pie accumulation, throwing a 0 in the mix really hurts the average.
Finally, the author then gets into explaining sexual assault and date rape to his frat brothers, which I’m sure will do wonders to diminish the stereotype that all frat boys are rapists. Some choice bits:
“Non-consent and rape are two different things. There is a fine line, so make sure not to cross it.”
“When utilizing the loop power of Four Lokos, be careful. A target on one Four Loko is putting the odds in your favor of getting some pie. A target on two Four Lokos is going to get sick and pass out. A target on three Four Lokos leads to instances of litigation and lawsuits. Terms like ‘sexual assault’ seem to be used in this case.”
Who doesn’t love a good rape joke, amiright?
You should go read the whole email at Jezebel to get the full force of the f**ked-up-edness (which I guess is what passes for humor to some people?). Perhaps hold a kitten/bunny/baby panda/all three in your lap to stare at for long periods of time when your brain starts to explode.
I could write
1,000 5,000 words about Tucker Max’s influence on masculinity in culture, the extreme objectification of women, and the insecurity apparently felt by one or more men about their self-worth as it pertains to sex (sadly, a common theme) that leads to an email such as this being written.
Oh, and seriously, angry commenters poised to tell me BUT NOT ALL FRAT BOYS ARE LIKE THIS!!!, save your breath. Like, really. We know all frat boys are not like this. We know some frat boys are lovely people. But if this email is indeed from a USC Kappa Sigma brother, all the protests that he’s just one rotten apple in the bunch won’t make what he did any more acceptable. The fact that a young man would write an email like this, would think it’s funny and have frat brothers/friends who would think it’s funny sadly reflects on our culture at large and the USC Greek system in particular.
Nothing short of explusion from USC is acceptable for the author(s) of this email, whoever he or she is. (Currently, the incident is being “investigated” by the national Kappa Sigma frat, which raised the red herring/possibility the email could have been a prank from another frat.) What’s it going to be, USC?