Sometimes the worst part of dating is having to endure the cliche phrases that accompany it. I swear, if one more person says, “He’s just not that into you,” I’m going to jump into my oven and never come out. It was fun back in 2003 when the phrase debuted on “Sex and the City” and then became the title of a book (and then a movie!), but let’s be honest, it’s totally played out. I get it. I grasp the concept. He’s just not that into me and if he was, he would be. Next PLEASE? I beg of you single population-at-large, let’s make dating somewhat hip again so we can feel non-lame while engaging in it. After the jump, some dating phrases that we need to put the kibosh on. Add your suggestions for replacement phrases in the comments.
- He’s just not that into you. See above. Slaughtered due to overuse.
- Your time will come. Thanks for the vote of confidence that I actually am lovable and there is a time when someone else will concur with you, my friend who is required to say that.
- Put yourself out there. Out where? In the middle of the ocean at night? Where am I meant to be putting myself?
- I’m open for love. This makes me sound like I’m a 7-11. I’m open for love, slurpees, hot dogs, and all of your late-night snack needs.
- Going dutch. All I can think of when I hear this is “dutch oven,” which makes me think of farting. Can we think of a better way to communicate that we’d like to split the bill without making me think of gas?
- It’s not you, it’s me. No, it’s me. Have the courtesy to tell me why.
- You’re great BUT… Please don’t start our breakup this way. How about “I want to break up with you because … “? Just cut to the chase and stop stroking my ego before you burst my love bubble.
- Call me. (Said desperately) I’ll call you. (Said when you won’t). This was cute in the ’80s and ’90s when people still talked on the phone. Considering I have very little desire to call anyone or receive a phone call ever again, we need to figure something else out.
- My place or yours. Wink. Wink. Barf. If someone says this to me, I am going to my place … ALONE.
- Emotionally unavailable. I called his emotions it went straight to voicemail, so I left a message. That joke could have been funny if anyone still talked on the phone. (See # 8)
- Hooking up. This phrase is for college students, not adults. Hooking up is something you do in a dorm room. No offense collegiates, feel free to keep hooking up until you graduate, after that figure out something else to call it.
- “Soul mate” or “the one.” If I wanted one of these, I would apply to be on “The Bachelor.”
So, let’s start brainstorming — what can we replace these tired, rundown phrases with?