15 Real Reasons We Dumped Him
Blogger Shmitten Kitten asked the question, “What’s the REAL reason you dumped him?” We’d love to pretend like it was always for noble reasons — like our lives were headed in different directions, there was some fundamental chemistry missing, or he didn’t want to have kids. Sometimes those were the real reasons. But then sometimes … there were, um, other reasons that we were too kind to say out loud. After the jump, some harder-to-admit reasons we really broke up with him. God forgive us. Share yours in the comments.
- He had the palette of a three-year-old. He would only eat grilled cheese, pizza, and burritos.
- He had panic attacks after coitus.
- I experienced SRS — sudden revulsion syndrome — and everything he did was hyper annoying.
- He knew how to make himself vomit on cue. No idea why.
- He was really fat and when we did it, his rolls would smack against me.
- He kissed like a fish.
- He was in AA and thus didn’t drink, and I couldn’t stand the awkwardness of not having alcohol on dates.
- His dick was so big that I cried the first time he tried to put it in me. There wasn’t a second time.
- He was bitching about his mother and referred to her as a “slut.” His mother.
- He made no noise when he came, absolutely NONE.
- He voted for George Bush.
- He told me he wanted to “have a private conversation with my p**sy.” I think that was code for going down on me, but I didn’t want to stick around long enough to find out.
- He was a Stage Five Clinger, as Pauly D would put it.
- He told me that he wanted to fall asleep with his dick inside me.
- He told me about his sex therapy sessions.