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Dear Wendy: “How Do You Dump A Nice Guy?”

I have been dating my boyfriend for seven months now (exclusive for four). We took things slowly because I had just come out of another relationship and I didn’t want him to be a rebound. Unfortunately, it seems that’s what he is, though. He is really kind and very thoughtful but I am not in love with him. He is a little bland, and though he will make some girl very happy, it’s not going to be me. I think he’s very serious about me, and I realize I am making it worse by waiting, but this feeling only crystallized last week. My ex-boyfriend dumped me completely out of the blue and I’m worried about hurting my current boyfriend the same way. A year and a half later, I still have not recovered, and we had been together roughly the same amount of time. I know my current boyfriend has a lot of support and people to turn to, so he will cope, but I need some help on how to proceed. Either way, he’s going to get hurt but I don’t know if I should tell him all the truth or just part of the truth (and if so which part of the truth?) — Reluctant Dumper

Dear Wendy: “Should I Take on a Sugar Daddy?”

The faster you break up with him, the faster he will recover. If you know he isn’t for you, don’t wait! You also need to realize that the relationship you have with him is not the same as the one you had with your ex, and there’s no reason to believe this guy is going to react the same way you did when you were dumped. You’re different people, and these are two separate situations.

That said, this is what I’d suggest: the next time you see him in person, tell him you have something that’s been on your mind lately but has only crystallized in the last few days. Tell him that while you think he is a lovely person and you’ve enjoyed your time together, you feel in your heart he would be a better match for a different woman. Let him know you think that woman is going to be very lucky when she finds him, but sadly, that woman simply isn’t you and there isn’t anything you can do to change that. And then tell him you hope he understands, and brace yourself for whatever questions he might have. Be firm, but kind. And give him as much closure and explanation as you can so he’s not left wondering if there’s a chance you’ll change you mind. Again: don’t drag your feet. Get this over with so you can move on and turn your focus on healing the broken heart you still haven’t recovered from.

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*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

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