Ask The Mega Man Panel: Perspex Party Heels

Last week, the Man Panel deemed wide-legged jeans a flagrant abuse against legs — but how do they feel about a pair of sexy platforms, meant to highlight your gorgeous gams? Ah, my friends, the answers are complicated, rich and deep — and rife with Superman references. Read on for our guy friends’ delicate opinions on the difference between cute shoes and stripper heels. Ryan, 32: Kind of looks like you might find them at J. Lo’s garage sale. Otherwise, toes and high heels are always good. I’d give extra points if something cool — like lights or maybe a little boat or something — were encased in the perspex.

Logan, 27: Last time a saw a pair a shoes like that I was drinking piss out of ‘em. For the record, it tasted like vanilla. .

Skye, 26: These shoes used to come in a bundle on Zappos with a goldfish, glitter lip gloss and an associates degree. Nothing says “I’m young fun and ready to conquer the world” like a stripper heel.

Jason, 30: If an Italian shoemaker somehow found himself designing shoes on planet Krypton for Lex Luther’s 2011 eponymous collection, these would be the best seller. Classic shape crafted in suede, set atop a hand carved Kryptonite heel? Superman beware.

Andrew, 40: If I was asked to “Hump or Dump” this shoe I would say, “That is not a nice way to talk about this shoe! Leave this shoe alone! This shoe has enough problems and stress having to watch its owner’s Russian mob boyfriend murder people.”

Blaise, 28: I thought “Sex and the City” was off the air. At least I hoped it was. Would any girl apart from JWoww (who, for the record, I think is hot) wear these?

Andy, 30: Clear heels = princess fantasies with stripper reality.

Mike, 32: Clearly these heels must have been found on the steering wheel of a time machine, because this is the future of footwear. Heels so high you get better cell phone reception, so as not to miss that important sext from Mr. Wrong.

Michael, 30: Did you know that the Wizard of Oz was a big time transsexual?

Scott, 30: These are great shoes if you’re a middle-aged dominatrix who is also a huge fan of Wicked, the musical.

Jesse, 33: I guess if you are attempting to look like a really tall kindergarten art teacher, who got the weird color that happens when you mix lots of water color paints all over their shoes, this can work.

Jeff, 32: I do wish more things were made of perspex, although I’d never heard of it before now. But these shoes I can do without. They strike me as the kind of thing that will make girls squeal “Those are SOOOOOO cute!” That’s not a good thing.

James, 29: Can be useful if caught short in physics class without the requisite prism.

Jeffery, 30: High heels are great. I love them. The open toe is fine. The platform I don’t care much for. Are these hard to run in? What if we have to hurry to catch the subway? If we are on a date and you are wearing these, you better know how to walk, run and jump in them. The material that makes up the stem of the heel looks like it was constructed out of crystals from Superman’s Fortress of Solitude.

Gabriel, 35: Someone went and made a ’70s orgy pad into a shoe — complete with the Plexiglass wet bar. Girls wear these on nights out clubbing and come home with only one of two heels (which is actually better than both).