How Do You Know You Really Like Someone?

One of the things I’ve been thinking about during this drinking/dating/sex sabbatical of mine is how you know you actually like someone. I’ve come to realize that in addition to being an extreme emotions junkie, I’m what Dr. Drew might call a “love-a-holic.” A motivating factor in my desire to sleep with someone is for that amazing but temporary feeling of love and desire and wholeness that washes over me when I’m in bed with them. I lovvvvve the feeling of being in love, feeling love, having a crush, etc. Looking back, I’ve felt love for people that I barely know, let alone know well enough to deduce if I actually like them. So, in the last 20 days of being sober and date/sex-free, I’ve felt the feelings of liking someone hit me and instead of obsessing over them and rolling around in that feeling of like, I’ve tried to think about why I have that feeling. What is it about the person that makes me feel like I like them? In the past I’ve gotten over liking someone as soon as I’ve found someone else to like — replacing one like with another. So, do I know I like someone when they can’t be replaced by someone else? Should I be able to list the reasons why I like someone — “He’s smart!” “He’s got good taste in music!” “He has a kind face!” — or is a strong feeling enough? Maybe this is an utterly basic question to ask, but it’s one I’ve been thinking about — how do YOU know you really like someone?

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