It’s January, which officially means weight loss reality TV season is in full swing. I’ve been so busy watching shows about dieting that I’ve barely had time to binge on cookies. I guess that’s the point. There’s “The Biggest Loser,” “Shedding for the Wedding,” “Ruby,” “One Big Happy Family,” “Heavy,” “I Used to be Fat,” and “Dance Your A** Off” to name a few. It’s a huge decision to choose the right one to help me confront my emotional eating issues. Chips and guacamole, how you haunt me. Now that I’ve watched them all, here’s the breakdown of the weight loss shows I would shun, shag, or marry. Find out after the jump.Shun: I think I’m about as ready to give up “The Biggest Loser” as I am pizza. It tastes great when I eat it, but feel like crap afterward. It has very little nutritional value and I’m usually hungry again in, like, 15 minutes. We’ve reached season 11 of “The Biggest Loser” and the show has grown so formulaic. The sob stories, Bob and Jillian yelling, those ugly matching outfits. I’m over it. Yes, they’ve introduced “toppings” this season in the form of some new, unknown trainers. Eh, it’s still pizza.
Shag: It sure is fun to get wrapped up with all those young hotties on “I Used to Be Fat.” In true MTV fashion, they’ve managed to make weight loss hip and sexy. But you can’t take these kids too seriously. Metabolisms are meant to be fast at age 18. Plus they have an entire summer living under their parents’ roofs to shed the pounds. A pipe dream for us adults. It has, however, motivated me to go to the gym even more often than I usually do. As I sweat on the elliptical, I mourn the days when 30 minutes of cardio, four days a week was all I needed to do to lose weight. Those days are gone.
Marry: A&E docudramas are the key to my soul and “Heavy” is no exception. Watching these obese adults change their lives is truly as inspiring as eating a well-cooked bowl of Brussels sprouts. Good for the body, good for the soul. This year, I choose Brussels sprouts. “Hoarders,” “Intervention,” and “Heavy” are the holy reality trifecta motivating me to remain clean, sober, and fit.