Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Ryan And Sandra Already Over? Katie Holmes On Drugs?

The coverlines on this week’s batch of tabloids are exceptionally juicy. Really—Katie Holmes is on drugs? Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds have ended their newfound relationship? Oh, and Jake Gyllenhaal is rebounding from Taylor Swift with her nemesis, Camilla Belle? Yeah, not so fast. All of these stories are a bit deceptive, cases of tabloid writers weaving wild stories out of the words of those always-anonymous sources. Read on for the real deal.

  • Star’s cover taunts “Katie Drug Shocker!” Which had me picturing Ms. Holmes doing lines of coke off one of Suri’s toys. But naturally the coverline is totally misleading. The story is actually about how Katie’s Scientology e-meter readings give “a temporary feeling of euphoria, followed by a crash and craving for more.” From there, former Scientologists compare the sessions to every drug out there. “For me, it was like taking a Percocet,” says one. And another claims, “Like a heroin addict, you want another dose.” Nice try, Star.
  • According to the mag, while Selena Gomez may be living the tweenage dream of dating Justin Bieber, she actually has her eye on someone else—Cory Montieth of “Glee.” “Selena has a big crush on Cory. [She] likes that Cory is challenging and mature,” a source tells the mag. Uh yeah, because while she’s 18, he’s almost 30. “She does care for [Justin]. Selena’s not sure what to do.” We say stick with the Bieb.
  • Could Brad Womack be telling some fibs about himself on “The Bachelor”? According to Star, Brad’s real last name is Pickelsimer, which is obviously way less sexy than Womack. They also claim that Brad has a police record for forgery, public intoxication, and writing a bad check. Watch out, ladies. [Star]

  • According to Life & Style Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are over, with Sandra making “the agonizing decision to sacrifice her own happiness” for baby Louis. But, uh, were they ever together? This article is predicated upon Sandra’s rep saying that the two “are literally nothing except friends,” which the magazine takes as proof that they were a couple for a short period of time. Yeah, I don’t get that logical leap either.
  • Life & Style also claims to have proof that Justin Timberlake is stepping out on girlfriend Jessica Biel—a source who claims to have read texts that J-Timb sent to Olivia Munnn. According to this source, “One said, ‘My relationship is basically over.’ The other said, ‘I’m thinking about you.’ There was part of a third that said something like, ‘You don’t understand how hard it is.’ I didn’t see that entire text, so I’m not sure how the sentence ended.” It’s like celebrity cheater Mad Libs.
  • Newsflash! Newsflash! Justin Bieber’s famous whirly haircut costs a whopping $750. And we thought Bill Clinton’s $200 do was a scandal back in the day. [Life & Style]

  • In Touch’s cover story is all about “Jake’s Cruel Rebound.” And no, it isn’t about him taking Jenny Lewis to the Golden Globes. According to the tabloid, Jake has been “cozying up” to Camilla Belle, who you might remember as the girl Joe Jonas started dating after he broke up with Taylor. I’m a little skeptical of this “cozying,” as a photo of Jake and Camilla at an event last week show them sitting rather far apart.
  • Suri Cruise may look all sweet and innocent, but according to In Touch Weekly, she is a demon on set. They say that while Katie filmed her new movie,”Jack and Jill,” “Suri was crying hysterically, screaming and carrying on so much that everyone on the set was like, ‘What is going on?'” Of course, what is going on is that Suri is a 4-year-old.
  • In a little more tabloid trickery, an In Touch headline reads, “I’m ready to date again,” next to a big photo of Eva Longoria. However, the interview is not with Eva at all, but with a “friend.” According to this supposed bud, Eva is “trying to move on.” Her preference? “She wants a hot, older guy who has his life together.” Hey, me too! [In Touch]

  • According to Us Weekly, Jeremy Renner was not too thrilled with Christina Aguilera’s behavior at his 40th birthday party. He claims that Ms. Christina wasn’t invited to the fete, got drunk, and then had the balls to get in his bed and take a nap. Jeremy supposedly was overheard saying, “I run up and open the door and I’m like, ‘Um hi. What are you doing?’ Her boyfriend was rubbing her back. Who comes to someone’s birthday party and gets in their bed?”
  • Apparently, the woman Luke Worrall cheated on Kelly Osbourne with will soon be getting gender reassignment surgery. “I was open with Luke that I was born a boy,” says model Elle Schneider. “He didn’t mind. In fact, it turned him on.”
  • Elton John’s baby, who appears on the cover of Us, is super cute, and flip to page 69 for a priceless photo of Elton, boyfriend, and babe in front of their Christmas tree. But since the story is all kinds of boring, I’ll leave you this nugget from the magazine’s interview with Pauly D instead. “I make my bed every day,” the “Jersey Shore” star says. “And I eat three to four apples a day.” Who knew? [Us Weekly]