• Relationships

21 Things It’s Totally OK To Do After A Breakup

In the weeks since my breakup, I have tried to be gentle with myself and practice self-care. I’m not always so good at self-care; normally I’m the type of person who says “should” a lot. I should watch this intellectual documentary. I should watch the news instead of a “Jersey Shore” marathon. It’s hard for me to just let loose and have fun. But I’m trying to give myself permission to do whatever it is I feel like doing that feels good! I’ve slept 10 hours a night and taken naps in the afternoon. I’ve baked chocolate chip cookies — twice. I’ve watched God-knows-how-many movies and episodes of “Skins,” season two, on Netflix Instant. I’ve squashed that little voice in my head that says, “You’re annoying them!” and called my best girl friends when I’ve needed to talk. I’ve even gone to a yoga class. I have to say that even though I don’t feel 100 percent better, I’m doing a decent job of distracting myself. But I know I’m not the only one who needs distracting: tons of Frisky commentors have told me they are going through breakups right now, too. So, in the spirit of self-care, I hereby give you permission to do any of the following things. If you’ve just gone through a breakup, it’s totally OK to …

  1. Sleep three times as much as you usually do … or not sleep at all.
  2. Eat that whole roll of cookie dough.
  3. Talk to your girl friends every day … multiple times every day.
  4. To feel lonely, confused, hurt, and angry … or relieved.
  5. Rip up all his photographs and have a friend delete the digital ones from your phone.
  6. Donate all the presents he ever gave you to Goodwill.
  7. To prefer the company of strangers/little kids than to your friends or family who constantly ask you what went wrong.
  8. Read his Twitter and Facebook updates looking for some clue about … something.
  9. Watch the trashiest TV shows and movies you can find. Read the trashiest books and magazines you can find.
  10. Hang out with your mom and dad — hey, they think you’re great!
  11. To consume your own weight in wine. (Just don’t make a habit of it, darling. Alcoholism is unbecoming!)
  12. To not be ready to even think about dating anyone else yet.
  13. Slip on your hottest heels and go hump strange men in da club.
  14. To talk to a lawyer and/or the police if you need to.
  15. Write a (sincere! polite!) email to his parents or grandparents and say it was lovely getting to know them.
  16. To not unpack your stuff right away. They hold memories, you know?
  17. Get a radical new haircut. Perhaps hold off on a tattoo, though.
  18. Buy yourself a little present. I suggest something super soft!
  19. Listen to bitter/angry/mournful songs of love and loss (Adele, Feist, Fiona Apple, Alanis Morrisette, etc.) on repeat.
  20. To not totally trust other men just yet.
  21. To cry while doing any of these things.
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