I was cruising around Facebook yesterday and discovered that one of my friends is randomly friends with an ex of mine. My first impulse was to message her and ask how she knew him, but I stopped myself. I was too embarrassed to even admit that I dated him. In fact, I never admit it to anyone. Why? He was a loser. Like barely had a job, slept on a mattress on his floor, had super low self-esteem, anger issues, food and alcohol issues, and got irritated when I didn’t laugh at his unfunny jokes. But all his flaws aside, I didn’t really actually like ANYTHING about him. I was not physically, intellectually, mentally, or emotionally attracted to him but continued to date him for a few months. That’s the part that embarrasses me — the “what was I thinking?” factor. I guess I was going through a major transition in my life. I had just moved to a new city, started a new job, but still, I hate using that as an excuse. Bottom line: I made an awful choice and I am ashamed. I mean, I’ve dated guys who were worse, but at least I can claim attraction to them on some level. Not this guy.
Below some Frisky staffers fess up about the shameful dudes in their past. Do you have an ex you’re embarrassed of and why? Please share.
“Who have I not been embarrassed by? A boyfriend I had in college we’ll call Phil used to literally PRANCE. I swear he was straight but really, PRANCY. Another boyfriend of mine was so antisocial that if I had friends over when he was over, he would go into my bedroom and hide. WHAT A JERK. Hangs head in shame.” — Julie
“I had this, like, weird two-week long affair with this guy who had the world’s most massive balls. Like, grapefruit-sized. They were repulsive, but if he had been a super rad dude, I would have been able to overlook. But he turned out to be such a terrible person. I was going through a lot of personal stuff with my family at the time and was having a rough go at it and he was being so supportive that I didn’t realize he was just using me and was a total pathological liar (about multiple things, including lying about a good friend of mine). And he had those enormous balls and he wasn’t attractive at all and he’s the prime example of a time in my life where I just wanted love from SOMEONE — even a fatty big-balled hot mess of a loser — instead of loving myself. So I am embarrassed about him.” –Amelia
“About three years ago, I worked at this blog. One day a newspaper reporter came in to interview my boss and I met him briefly, literally just to say hello. Within a day or so, I received a Facebook friend request and the message said, “I find you very alluring.” I looked at his Facebook page and it said he had a girlfriend. (Also, I am many things but “alluring” is not one of them.) I told our PR guy about this, thinking he would think the reporter was so unprofessional, but he was almost giddy. He totally thought I should meet the guy.
So I did. I found out he and his GF were on the rocks, which should have been a clue. But we got on really well. I felt like I could actually talk to him about everything from journalism to life. We actually became friends and hung out a decent number of times: dinner, a party, a movie.
I wasn’t attracted to him, really, because to be honest he was not attractive. His face wasn’t too cute and and he was balding. A couple of my friends who had met him made fun of him, even. But I thought he had a nice smile and I was eventually able to look past it, soon getting a crush on him. He seemed to have a thing for me too, at least a little bit.
He and his GF had broken up, but it was one of those slow messy breakups. He kept saying things to me like, “I wish I had met you two months from now!” because he was emotionally tied up with her. I felt pretty bummed he didn’t want to make things more serious. We only kissed each other out in public at bars, not going to anyone’s home.
Then one night we were talking about hanging out at his place. Then he said he had to write an article and I shouldn’t come, which felt like a brush-off. I felt really annoyed and hurt and so he told me to come over in a few hours. I did, and it was just AWFUL. He was inhibited in bed. He seemed totally intimidated by me. And he was so self-conscious about his body that he kept a sheet over his belly. It was probably the worst experience I had with a man in bed, ever.
The next morning when I left, he made some sort of comment about how that hookup shouldn’t mean anything to me — like, I should not get my hopes up for being with him. I couldn’t believe he’d say that after an all-around lame night. How egotistical!?!?!?! BUT STILL I was an idiot. I kept sending him flirty texts, which he started to ignore. Eventually, I got the hint and rebounded to another loser.” — Jessica