The Most Amazing Quotes From Snooki’s Debut Novel, “A Shore Thing”

Put aside the latest Jonathan Franzen! Set down that copy of War & Peace that you’ve been trying to get through for the last five years. A real work of literary genius is about to hit bookshelves — Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s A Shore Thing is out this week! The New York Post scored a copy of the “Jersey Shore” guidette’s debut novel and leaked some of the choicest quotes. So, what can we expect from the reality tv star turned author? Find out, after the jump … [NY Post]Amazing character descriptions!

“He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”

Sentences that titillate the senses!

“Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”

Important facts about steroid use!

“Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”

Fart jokes!

“Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”

Inspiration mantras!

“I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”

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