A 10-Point Plan To Get Lindsay Lohan Back On Top
Hallelujah! Lindsay Lohan is finally out of rehab. After three months at the Betty Ford Center, Lindsay’s completed her required rehab and is now free to go. Reportedly, she’ll be staying a few more days to finalize everything, and then she’s on her own. After the jump, we’ve developed a 10-point program to get her back on top where she belongs. 1. Delete a few numbers from her phone. Namely, her mother, father and ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson. Oh, and anyone she met while partying at Les Deux.
2. Nobody wants a blonde Lindsay Lohan. She needs to dye her hair red again.
3. Once she’s re-redheaded, she’ll be empowered to wrestle back the Linda Lovelace biopic project from Malin Akerman.
4. Lindsay already has a leggings company, but she needs to ramp it up. Innovate! What about SHEGGINGS–shoe leggings! Or BEGGINGS–Belt Leggings!
5. If leggings don’t work, we know Lindz likes root beer. Develop a line of Rehab Root Beers.
6. Get involved in some weepy charity work–save some children, or pet some fuzzy cute animals. Do something that says, “I’m a hooker with a heart of gold.”
7. Try and get back in Tina Fey’s good graces. She made Lindz in “Mean Girls” and she can bring her to the top once more.
8. Stay out of relationships for a while–unless that relationship is with a plant or a new set of hair extensions.
9. In fact, perhaps move out of L.A. all together. Maybe to a farm, or a nunnery?
10. Don’t, and we mean DON’T, open a rehab center, like her miserable mom said she was planning on doing. Actually, she shouldn’t listen to ANYTHING her mom says. Ever.