John DeVore’s Best “Mind Of Man” Posts Of 2010
While there are still a few days left in 2010, we’re going to feature some of our best and favorite posts from the last year. Each of your regular Frisky bloggers has picked out her 10 favorite posts from 2010—some you may remember well, others might have slipped past your radar. Either way, we hope you’ll relive the best of The Frisky in 2010. Here’s the wisdom our token male, John DeVore, shared this year. Polyamory Is Not For Everyone: To dudes, an “open relationship” sounds great in theory. But in practice? Not so much.
“Polyamory conjures up all sorts of negative stereotypes. From the commitment-phobic horn dog begging his wife to open her mind, so he can open the receptionist’s legs, to bored suburban swingers swapping wives and casserole recipes. None of these caricatures accurately reflects a movement that takes having multiple lovers seriously. But it’s all I got.”
Why You Should Really Date A Nerd: Date a nerd. A real nerd, though. I think I made a difference with this column.
“I can’t be in a relationship with a woman who is only into makeup, diets, and marriage. I’m sure there are men out there who can be, much the way I know there are women who only want dudes who are into banking, saunas, and not working.”
Real Men Don’t Need To Be Nurtured: It’s not in our nature to be nurtured. I explain why.
“Celebrity magazines are to women what comic books are to men, only less believable. Excellent entertainment when bed-ridden.”
The Best Part of Breaking Up: I’m in total emo form with this column … and I meant every word of it.
“I could probably make my fortune developing and selling a post-breakup misery frock that allows the wearer to eat with his or her fingers and to never put on pants. A vestige that is so ugly, you’ll never want to go outside or be seen. Because what’s the point? The only eyes that exist in the universe are her eyes.”
Why Men Cry: Here’s a public service column. Ladies, you may think men cry. But we don’t.
“I’ve heard tales of some men who’ve cried when laid off. Which is nowhere in the man manual. When laid off, a man makes eye contact, shakes hands, and then calmly walks to a bar where he plots revenge.”
“We have all spent probably spent far too much time clicking through pictures of happy exes embracing perfectly lovely new significant others and thinking, ‘They look so happy. Good for them. I’m sure their children will have nice personalities.'”
Why Men Fly Solo: I was
asked told to write a column about masturbation. So I did.
“I concluded that masturbation was proof that God loves us and is aware that it can get boring on Earth. So he gave man the ability to make his own confetti.”
You Are Not Single You Are Ronin: Women are terrified of being “single.” Here are my manly man thoughts about this lady phobia.
“‘Single’ does not mean ‘Unloved.’ ‘Single’ means ‘I’m making myself a magical pot of pasta and re-watching season three of ‘The Wire.’ What are you bringing to my dope-ass party?'”
I Want A Ladyflower For A Day: I answer the question every dude asks themselves: “Would I want a vagina instead of a penis?”
“Is it true that women can have multiple orgasms, or did she just tell me that that one time because I had gotten laid off and she wanted me to feel like a stud? Once I’ve rocked my nubbin off a half-dozen times, I will remember to write down my findings on my disposable iPad.”
Men Are From Bacon, Women Are From Cupcakes: I actually got some hate mail for this. Apparently, many women love bacon.
“Bacon doesn’t make everything better. For instance, here are three things bacon doesn’t improve: unemployment, herpes, and scotch.”