Dear Jeans Designers,
The other day I was standing in line at the grocery store and for no particular reason at all I had a flashback to a few years ago when super low-rise jeans were all the rage. Every rack at every store from Forever 21 to J.Jill was stocked with nothing but thong-baring jeans with 3-inch crotches. As an Italian girl with an ample belly, this was a very dark time for me…
No matter how hard I tried, I could not find a flattering pair of jeans. Muffin top became a way of life. The low-rise craze haunted me even when I gave up completely on finding jeans for myself: everywhere I looked there were butt cracks and g-strings and bunched-up underwear peeking out from denim waistbands. There was no escape.
Thinking back to this at the grocery store, I had to clutch a rack of peppermint-scented candles to steady myself. Was it really over? Had our nation really moved on from our shameful low-rise past? Then I looked down at the comfortable and flattering mid-rise jeans I was wearing. I remembered how easy it was to find them, how many choices I’d found at every store I visited. And this is when I had the overwhelming urge to thank you, jeans designers, for diversifying. Sure, you still make super low-rise jeans, which is great, because that style does look good on about 3 percent of women. But you also make super high-rise jeans, super skinny jeans, wide leg, bell bottom, dark, light, stretchy, whatever. It’s actually harder now to find jeans that will show off your g-string than it is to find jeans you can wear to work, and that, my friends, is progress.
Forever indebted to you,
p.s. What’s your favorite style of jeans?