Things We’d Rather Do Than Attend A Gwyneth Paltrow-Coldplay Concert

We heard that Gwyneth Paltrow will be singing a duet with husband Chris Martin from Coldplay on New Year’s Eve in Las Vegas and shuddered. We know that Gwyneth’s really stoked to be singing in her new country-fried movie “Country Strong,” but yeah, no. Their combined level of self-righteous GOOP-iness is frighteningly high, and we can’t think of anywhere we’d rather NOT be than a Gwynnie/Coldplay concert.

In fact, we’ve created a list of all the things we’d rather do than attend that concert. Check it out after the jump.

Things We’d Rather Do Than Attend A Gwyneth Paltrow/Coldplay Concert
Watch Danielle Staub’s music video for “Cry”
Danielle Staub’s epic tome to domestic violence victims is somehow less overwrought than Gwyneth Paltrow’s recipes for roasted chicken.
View the Rex Ryan/Michelle Ryan foot fetish tape
I’d rather see the New York Jets coach and his wife engage in some kinky foot fetish tomfoolery. Really.
Watch videos of bot flies being extracted from people’s skin
Do you know how gross bot flies are? Or how repulsive it is to see their larvae birth out of someone’s back? Do not watch this if you’re squeamish. Really.
Listen to songs by Brokencyde, the worst band in the world.
Have you heard rap/rock/screamo band Brokencyde? Let’s just say, you cannot “unhear” Brokencyde.
Get a colonic
Sure, put a tube up my butt. That sounds preferable to a Gwynnie/Chris duet.