Ask The Man Panel: Crab Claw Shorts

Check out these “broken heart” shorts from Urban Outfitters. They retail for $180 and feature black heart-shaped pockets on the front and back, which could easily be mistaken for either angel wings or crab claws, depending on your mood. Read on to see our Man Panel’s candid reactions to this unique look …
Damien, 34: I think I would steer clear of a girl wearing shorts with giant crab claws pointing toward her crotch.

Nick, 24: These shorts really make me sad in two ways. First off, you could see them as two pieces of a broken heart, which is probably what the designer meant to do. The other idea involves a crab claw pinching your vagina. Either way, you would be bedridden for a while.

Devin, 21: I’m confused.

Corwin, 23: Wait, so does she have a broken heart? Or is her vagina the cause of someone else’s broken heart?

Paul, 31: There are too many bad jokes to make, so here are the punchlines:

  1. She wears her heart on her hips.
  2. Hey, wait, I’ve got a new complaint: Those shorts come in a heart-shaped box.
  3. Like the Grinch, her heart seems two sizes too small.
  4. … decided to just be friends with the rest of those shorts. Goodnight, folks, don’t forget to tip your blogger!