The end of 2010 is but a few days away and I’m doing some reflecting on what the last year has been like for my love life. I didn’t have a boyfriend. The longest I dated someone was for, oh, a month and a half. I had some sex. I had some more sex. I online dated. I finally, finally scored with not one, but TWO people whom I had crushed on for years. All in all, Amelia’s year in hookups was a grand old time — and I also learned what I DON’T want to do in 2011.1. No hooking up with guys with girlfriends. This summer, I went out of town to visit some friends. Also visiting these friends was an attractive dude with whom I clicked quite well. I knew he had a girlfriend (who wasn’t with him that weekend), so I thought of our rapport as purely platonic. One night after everyone else went to sleep and he and I were still up drinking and reading, he suddenly asked if I wanted to sleep in his bed. It was so utterly unexpected I almost choked on my wine. I had been thinking he was a handsome, lovely dude all weekend, and how unfortunate but predictable it was that he was taken, so when he asked me to join him in bed that night, I found the words, “um, OK,” slipping out of my mouth. We kept the evening pretty PG-13, but while I had fun, I also felt pretty crappy the next day. Mostly because, duh, he had a girlfriend, but also because he pretended like nothing had happened.
2. Set up an alternate email for online dating. There is only one Amelia McDonell-Parry in the world, but there are plenty of Amelias. After recently being vetoed based on my Google search results, I am planning on using a new email address which doesn’t identify me by my full name to potential paramours. Not because I’m trying to hide anything — I’m proud of what I’ve revealed here on The Frisky — but because I would like to maintain a little mystery … at least until we get to date two and I spill my guts.
3. Stop apologizing for my pubes. 2010 was the year I got all my pubic hair waxed off and loved it. (Well, not the actual hair removal process — that hurts like hell — but I discovered I loved the look of my freshly de-fuzzed lady parts.) But despite having had pubes since I was, oh, 12, I found myself, post-waxing epiphany, apologizing to dudes I was in bed with for any hair growth. It was like a reflex; “I’m sorry, I’m in a need of a wax.” WTF? Why was I apologizing? For the record, not one dude (not that there have been that many) seemed to care, but even if they did, I shouldn’t. So in 2011, I shall present my vagina with pride, whether it’s been recently waxed or not!
4. Learn to live with sometimes withholding the truth. Recap time! Remember earlier this year, when I hooked up with that guy and then discovered he had been dating/sleeping with a friend of a friend? And then that friend of a friend wanted to be friends with me and because I wanted to be friends with her, I thought the right thing to do was to tell her about sleeping with the guy she was sleeping with so that I wasn’t going into the friendship with, like, this big thing I was withholding? Well, that didn’t work out so well. That girl pretty much hates me now. I hope this kind of thing never arises again, but I also believe I need to be a little more comfortable with keeping things to myself, even though they may cause me feelings of guilt and discomfort.
5. Accept that some people can change, but they usually can’t change enough. There’s a guy in my life that I’ve crushed on for over a decade. This year, out of the blue, after not seeing each other for a couple years, we got reacquainted and sparks flew. He used to be quite a cad and I was instantly struck by just how different he seemed from the sexy, but incredibly womanizing fellow I’d always known. Immediately, my brain did some wonky math: “He’s evolved!” + “He likes me!” = “We must be soul mates!” I may be 31 years old, but sometimes I forget that life is not a rom-com staring Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey.
In truth, this more-than-a-friend of mine has evolved and it’s very wonderful to see. But I’ve taken my blinders off and have realized that he’s not evolved into the right partner for me. And that’s OK. We were good friends and we’ll continue to be.
6. If I click with someone, I won’t have sex with him right away. I am pretty sure I am at my sexual peak right now. Combine that with a few glasses of wine, an attractive man, and the close proximity of my apartment of whatever locale we’re at, and, well, this year has been rather active at Casa de McDonell-Parry. It’s been a blast and while I used to be unable to separate sex and love, this year, casual sex just worked for me. But I’m really ready to meet someone special. And in 2011, if I go out with someone and get that “he could be someone special” feeling, I’m going to limit my extracurricular first (second, third, and maybe fourth) date activities to kissing and that’s it. I shall focus on getting to know them — and having them get to know me — pre-coital, damnit!