Are You Into Sexual “Simmering”?

When we talk about our sex lives, it’s usually in terms of how often, where and when we’re doing the actual deed. But some sex therapists contend that getting each other sexually aroused at random moments is just as important to a couple’s bond as lovemaking. Dr. Stephen Snyder blogged about this idea for earlier this month, calling the technique “simmering,” when couples engage in sexually arousing each other — through an embrace, stroking each other’s hair, looking into each other’s eyes, having an intimate conversation — as a way to maintain their intimate bond during a busy day, and as a way to build up sexual interest for when they do find the time to get busy. For busy, working couples who are trying to raise kids and end up too exhausted at the end of the day for sex, Dr. Snyder says this “simmering” can save their erotic foundation.

I really like the term “simmering,” as it sounds kind of hot and delicious! Though, it hardly seems like a novel “technique.” Don’t most couples do this anyway, instinctively. Don’t those of us who are coupled-up steal a couple moments to be intimate here and there when our day is too busy for much else? It pains me to think people need to be taught this (I mean, if a couple has the time to go to sex therapy/couples counseling, don’t they have the time to get it on anyway?). But then again, maybe I can’t relate because my husband and I don’t have kids yet; we’re really never that exhausted.

Yikes. It sounds like having kids really does squash your sex life. Is anyone else scared about the effect that having kids will have on their sex life? [Psychology Today]