Advice To Jenna Bush On Her Move To New York City

Jenna Bush is about to become a New Yorker. She and hubby Henry Hager have sold their townhouse in Baltimore, moved out in an unmarked truck last week, and are reportedly now house hunting in New York City. Which will be convenient for Jenna since her twin sister Barbara already lives in the Village (that is where she is supposedly crashing at the moment) and because it will bring her closer to the “Today” show studio, where she is an occasional correspondent. Her husband will continue his energy gig in Baltimore, we guess working from afar. [NY Daily News]

New York is a tough town. After the jump, some advice to Jenna for making it here.

  1. New York was not your dad’s biggest fan. So start using the last name “Hager,” stat. Lest you constantly have hostesses telling you no reservations are available, waiters constantly spitting in your food, and neighbors constantly leaving nasty surprises on your doorstop.
  2. Don’t even try to have a car here. A MetroCard is the best deal around—$89 for 30 days worth of transportation anywhere you need.
  3. Bars here are open until 4 a.m., so there are more hours in the day to booze it up. You’ve been warned.
  4. Savor spring and summer, and make sure to clock lots of time in New York’s gorgeous parks while they are here. You will miss them come winter.
  5. There may be a ride-on mechanical bull at a not-to-be-named bar in the city, but the only women who do that are tourists here for bachelorette parties.
  6. Wearing heels here is tougher than “Sex and the City” makes it seem. We recommend ballet flats for when you’re in transit—keep your heels in your purse. Do not be the woman in a business suit and sneakers.
  7. Don’t mention that you are a Republican in public arenas.
  8. Avoid Times Square at all costs. Some much cooler neighborhoods to hang out in: the East Village, the Lower East Side and, of course, Brooklyn.
  9. Plan ahead. If you want to see a band or movie, or try a new restaurant, chances are that a decent percentage of your 8 million city mates want to also. Buy tickets ahead of time and show up early.
  10. Keep the “y’all” thing to a minimum and tone down the accent. Some New Yorkers get irritated by overly cheery Texans.
  11. Don’t read your dad’s new memoir, Decision Points, on the subway. You might get noticed and draw some commuter ire.
  12. Don’t live on the Upper East Side. That would be too predictable.

Enjoy! This is truly one of the best places in the world to live. Not that I’m biased, or anything.