It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Second Thoughts” who was planning to have her boyfriend move with her next year when she starts college but worried he was too immature to be a good long-term partner. Has she decided to move without him? Has he convinced her he’ll grow up? Find out all after the jump.
I have to admit that I put a lot of thought into your advice and surprisingly, sat down and talked it over with the last person who would approve of the situation — my dad. As someone who knows that I am a “Type A” organizational freak, he also reminded me I tend to over-think things. He assured me that my boyfriend WILL grow up and asked me if I was willing to lose him if I was unsure whether he’d grow up at my pace. I thought about his question and even felt selfish: maybe I had been too harsh on my boyfriend.
He isn’t perfect: he’s doesn’t always have a clean shirt on, he’s not always on time, and he does forget my schedule (and his, for that matter). But I considered that he also makes me laugh when I’m crying, he’s good to his word, and he works hard with two jobs to juggle. And he is sorry when he does happen to screw up. So, after agreeing with my parents, we are going to move together and we will live apart for at least the first year I spend in college. I realize the odds are against us and we may not work out, but we’re trying to be smart about it by not compromising our educations and giving some cushion in case crap goes wrong (hence us living separately). Thank you for your advice; although I did not follow it, it forced me to focus on what was most fair for both of us and shed new light on what mattered to me in a partner.
You sound smart and you’re lucky to have parents who truly look out for your best interest. Best of luck to you!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
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