Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Is Halle Jealous Of Kim? Was Britney Abused By Jason?

This Thanksgiving, I went home to Michigan and hung out with my family, ate lots of food, and rolled around on the floor thinking about how I ate too much. I imagine your holiday was some close variation of this, maybe with a crazy uncle thrown in. Well, apparently we are doing Turkey Day wrong, because all the celebs spent their holiday on the beaches of beautiful places without a turkey in sight. Those stars who keep things local spent their down time working on getting comfy in their new relationships—Taylor and Jake included. You should probably look over this Cheat Sheet just so you can start planning your 2011 famous person Thanksgiving now. I imagine it takes a while to get a private jet and a celebrity squeeze.

  • Kim Kardashian Potential Wedding Alert!! Kim’s got a confirmed new man and you know what that means. The tabloids are wildly conjecturing that this beau might be “the one” to cure Kim’s wedding fever. Her new dude is Halle Berry’s ex and baby daddy, Gabriel Aubrey. The pair have been dating for a few weeks and used Thanksgiving as time to hang out with the Kardashian Klan and get close. While these two may be snuggly, Berry is supposedly pretty steamed. Insiders say Aubrey always told Halle he wasn’t interested in younger women, but now that he is dating someone 14 years her junior, Halle is wondering if Gabriel was all talk. I’m obviously Team Halle, if it comes to that.
  • I really hope this isn’t true because Britney Spears has been put through enough to last her the rest of her life. Brit’s husband of 55 hours, Jason Alexander, gave an exclusive interview to Star revealing that Spears’ current boyfriend/manager has been treating her horribly. Alexander claims that over the past several months he has been getting numerous calls and texts from Britney confessing the abusive turn her relationship with Jason Trawick has taken. Alexander says that Spears told him about Trawick cheating on her and beating her, including while she was pregnant with his child, which she later aborted. This is a lot to lay down, true or not. Star says that Alexander passed a polygraph, but then he wouldn’t be the first person to exploit poor Brit for sad quasi-fame. She deserves a hug regardless.
  • Dear Hank Baskett, if there is one ex-boyfriend you don’t have to worry about, it is Hugh Hefner. That said, sources are saying that Kendra Wilkinson is moving back into the Playboy mansion. The former playmate, who has complained in past interviews about feeling like a single mom in California while her husband lives in Minnesota, is getting comfy with her old man ex. Wilkinson is rumored to be spending several nights a week in a luxurious room provided by Hef for her and her son at the Playboy pad. This change in address is getting her hubby Hank pretty pissed, not because he is worried about cheating. Instead Baskett feels betrayed because this is just another instance of Kendra confiding in Hef over him. Maybe if he just thinks of him as her grandpa he won’t be as upset. [Star]

  • It is time for the necessary Christina Aguilera “Why I Got Divorced” article. People was the one to land the interview. Christina doesn’t reveal anything earth-shattering, but she did admit to dating set assistant Matthew Rutler shortly after her divorce. Of the this new relationship, she says, “There’s a love there, ” but she is of course taking it slow. As for her marriage, she blames the split on a lot of personal growth from both parties that eventually led them wanting different things from their marriage. Aguilera shares that the couple worked for a year on repairing their union, but eventually decided it was best to divorce. Today, things are uncomfortable but civil between the two. I call that better than most celebrity divorces that end up rabid and crazy.
  • I wish I went on Michael Douglas’ Thanksgiving trip. He and the family packed up and went off to Orlando to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Cool! This trip was about more than the just Turkey Day festivities; it was also a time to celebrate Douglas’ first steps towards good health. The actor, who has been battling throat cancer, recently completed an intensive 8-week treatment that left him skinny and weak. Now after having time to get back closer to normal, Michael is ready to be a full-time dad again. He will have to wait until January to see if the treatment completely eliminated the cancer. Until next month, Douglas says he is being “cautiously optimistic.” Amusement parks and optimism sounds like a good healing regimen to me.
  • David Hasselhoff used this issue of People to open up about his road to recovery and plug his new TV show. The Hoff is now confidently clean and sober after being jarred awake to the severity of his alcoholism when a video his daughter taped of him drunk and trying to eat a cheeseburger hit the internet. While the family friend who leaked the clip is out of the Hasselhoffs’ lives, David is happy his daughter made the tape, because it kicked off a journey that four years later finds him alcohol-free and closer to his kids than ever. They must be close, or at least amusing, because A&E will soon be airing “The Hasselhoffs,” a reality show that follows the daily lives of The Hoff and his two daughters. David isn’t the only famous one—both of his girls are in the techno-pop group Bella Vida, trying to make their big break. I think I will pre-order my CD now. [People]

  • I now know more about Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift’s past five weeks than my own. These cover story love birds have been up to a lot, visiting each other all across the country to fit in a sweet date, sharing Thanksgiving at sister Maggie’s house, and going to lots of coffee shops. Unfortunately, I can no longer live under the delusion that these two aren’t dating. This article is full of semi out-of-focus photos of Jaylor canoodling all over. It is kind of like looking at a three-legged-cat. You wonder how it works, but can’t deny it is pretty darn cute.
  • You want another relationship update? Of course you do! Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez are definitely back on. The two spent Turkey Day on a “caliente” trip, hopping around from one sun-soaked vacation spot to the next. The couple started in California, then jetted off to the Bahamas only to leave for Miami for a few days later. From there the pair head to Cabo, to relax poolside and catch up with famous friends like George Clooney.
  • Hey, Jessica Simpson is in the tabloids for something other then her weight or apparent desperation. Though the writer did comment on how much food Jess supposedly chowed down on at an NYC restaurant during her visit to the Big Apple last week. Simpson had a full schedule, singing at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and the Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting. But insiders say the big event was getting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her new fiance’s family and her own. The T-Day dinner sounded pretty normal, except for the fact it was cooked in the suite of a Ritz Carlton. Hey, whatever works. [Us Weekly]

  • I hate it when tabloids admit to blatantly lying. I read through the two pages of vague proof that Jessica Simpson is pregnant only to get to the last line: “So Jessica may not be pregnant now.” That is five minutes of my life I can’t get back. Well, might as well go over what misinformation is floating around my noggin now. Life & Style believed Simpson was pregnant based on observing her behavior throughout her Thanksgiving trip to NYC. Jessica supposedly wore baggy clothes on the plane, got sick in morning, and complained of bladder problems, which all led to the magazine calling her pregnant on the cover only to semi-redact it inside. Oh, and did I mention they talked about how much she ate too? So the woman eats full meals. Leave her alone!
  • Jennifer Aniston is another star guilty of jetting off to a tropical locale for her Turkey Day. She and Chelsea Handler spent the holiday in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. But that isn’t the important part; the big news is that Jen was wearing a bikini and looking good. On the serious side, I am 99 percent certain that Aniston looks better in a bikini than I do. I am also 99 percent certain that it is absolutely unnecessary to give two pages of space to an in-depth look at an attractive person looking attractive in a bikini. But I don’t make the rules for tabloid journalism, thankfully.
  • Is there a spot for one more on “Bridalplasty”? Because Prince William is supposedly becoming a bridezilla, or groomzilla if you want to be politically correct. William is said to have taken control of the entire wedding operation, making every decision himself before passing them along to aides to fulfill. Insiders say the Prince has experience with event planning, exhibiting the same dedication and control with his mother’s memorial. So far the royal family seems to be happy with William’s headway, but rumor has it that the Queen is getting a little testy that she isn’t being consulted over one of her country’s biggest events. I’m going to say if there is one person you want to keep happy in all this, it would probably be Kate and then the Queen. [Life & Style]