Dear Wendy Updates: “Untouchable” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Untouchable,” a guy who was trying to pick up the pieces and figure out went wrong with a recent ex who refused to touch him during the several years they were together. “Was she just not ready for a relationship?” he asked. “Was I a rather lengthy trial run or safety boyfriend?” After the jump, find out how he’s doing today and whether he ever got the answers he wanted.

I want to thank you for your advice/perspective and give you a quick update on life since and perhaps further context on the original issue …

For the record (or for a few commenters’ edification), the problem was never halitosis/BO. I was then, and still am, very particular about being squeaky clean before any get-together. You wouldn’t believe how loud I barked in laughter when I read those particular comments. And I do want to add my thanks to folks for all their supportive comments. Apparently, a hug really was something I needed.

It seems there was an abuse issue in my ex’s past. The clues were there for me to find, and while I do feel a tad guilty for invoking those feelings in her again via my need for closeness, I think things were balanced out by her lack of effort to sustain the relationship and try to work through it together.

It’s been a few months since the column and almost a year since the breakup and, after that long fugue where I was doubting the hell out of myself, her, and the universe, things have finally gotten better… for me anyway. Since the column, I’ve definitely given up on her beyond general, antiseptic well-wishes for life and happiness. We’ve seen each other around town, but she’s quick to look away and not want to acknowledge my existence. Meh … I’m over it.

After branching out into the dating world again and a few false starts and horrible mistakes on my part, I’ve started something with a gal who, strangely enough, enjoys both my company and my touch. Who knows how things will progress or how long the good times will last (whoops, my inner cynic is showing again), but … for the moment, at least … I’ve made my peace with the multi-year debacle and found someone new. And, let me say, after several years of that on-again/off-again, “get away from me” ridiculousness, it is utterly GLORIOUS just to be touched again. It’s amazing just how strong the need is and how painful the lack can be in comparison. Even being aware of those “withholding love” psychological studies they did way back when, you can’t be fully conscious of the effects until you feel it yourself, which has made me very sympathetic to those test subjects, let me tell you.

In any case, thanks again and keep up the good advice. — Untouchable-no-longer

Thanks for the update! I’m so glad you’ve moved on and have found someone who enjoys your company — and touch — as much as you enjoy hers. Best of luck to you both.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

Follow me on Twitter and get relationship tips and updates on new Dear Wendy columns!