Undertakers Design “Gay” Coffins

The gay rights movement has received a lot of opposition from conservatives this year, but other people are looking to sell them stuff. Namely two undertakers in Cologne, Germany, who’ve started offering coffins for the gay market. And their idea of “gay” coffins apparently consists of $2,300 caskets covered in pictures of mostly naked, muscly dudes in “athletic poses inspired by Italian Renaissance paintings.” “We believe you should be able to have a coffin that lets you embark on your last journey in a way that reflects how you lived your life,” said undertaker Thomas Brandi. “People are cutting back in the recession but the one group of consumers who still have high spending power are gay couples and very few people are designing for them in this market.”

Brandi and his partner, Michael Koenigsfeld, also offer caskets and urns in rainbow colors and patrons have the option of being buried around a tree which is strictly reserved for homosexuals. They also offer non-conventional funeral services which they call “a warm and fantastical departure for same-sex couples.”

Something about the words “warm and fantastical” in regards to a funeral worries me a bit. And for some reason, it’s mildly disconcerting that people want to be buried under a tree with other people of the same sexual preferences. I’ve never been terribly concerned with how close my body will be to other people of any race, sexuality, or age because when I’m done with my physical self, I’ll probably have other things to worry about. While voluntary segregation is an interesting tactic, I feel like even really conservative people probably hadn’t even thought about whether they’d be buried next to homosexuals, let alone sought out the “heterosexual section” of the graveyard. I feel like making that “a thing” might not be fruitful in the long run.

I guess another thing I don’t get is why someone would want naked blokes on the outside of their coffin. Wouldn’t it make more sense to have it lined with nude dudes so that if you wake from the dead or become a zombie, at least you’ll have something to look at? Or would that seem like you were being forced to be closeted? I guess if I didn’t already plan on getting cremated and having all my friends consume my ashes, I would probably want to be buried with my cat and a Tiger Beat JTT poster, so I understand wanting to be surrounded by beautiful men, even in death.

I don’t actually know what homosexual funerals will mean for the gay rights movement, but it is nice that these undertakers are thinking, ahem, outside the box. What do you guys think: Is this unnecessary, admirable, or good (albeit morbid) fun?