Ladies, Beware The Text-lationship!

About a month ago I was waiting in line at the grocery store when I spotted a hot guy standing behind me. I made a joke about how slow the line was going. He laughed. I smiled. And off we were. After we had both checked out, he continued to walk with me to the subway. He even offered to carry my bags. When we got to my destination, I shook his hand. “I’m glad we got stuck in line together.” “Would you like to get coffee sometime?” he asked boldly. I respect a man who can make a move, so I gave him my number, certain that we would see each other soon.

Two days later, Grocery Guy sent me a text. “Just walked by Whole Foods. Was thinking of you and your beautiful eyes. There should be more places in the city that remind me of you. Coffee this week?”

Sounds solid, right? Like a guy who wants to go out on a date with me, no? I wrote him back and told him when I was free. I heard nothing back for days. Over the next three weeks, every Friday, Saturday, and/or Sunday Grocery Guy would text me and ask me questions. “How is your weekend going?” “What are you up to?” But in all these back-and-forth exchanges, which sometimes went on for up to an hour, he never once asked me to hang out. It’s like we were dating, but without the dates. It’s like we were getting to know each other, but only by text. Grocery Guy and I were in a text-lationship.

This majorly confused me. What does Grocery Guy want from me? What is his issue that he only wants to sustain text conversations with me, but not in person? Shy? Has a girlfriend? Emotional wheelchair? It’s hard to say if you’ve never actually hung out with the person.

It began to frustrate me more and more, not because I cared about going out with him at this point, but because I wanted to get to the bottom of it. I thought we were about to have a breakthrough in our text-lationship when he texted me to tell me he was walking by the grocery store where we met and wondered if I would be passing by as well. Obviously, no, I would not, since I live in the real world and not a rom-com. I suggested that maybe it would be easier if we didn’t leave our next meeting up to fate, that we could just arrange an actual time to meet. Genius idea, if I do say so myself. His response? “I’m really busy this week.” My response? “How about this? Why don’t you hit me up if you ever have time for a drink.”

I thought that would be the end of Grocery Guy. But he resurfaced for one last text chain. “How is your day?” he asked one Saturday.

“Just great, how is yours?” I responded.

“It’s good … I’m just relaxing : )” And with that last emoticon, I had enough. I ended our text-lationship simply by pressing DELETE.