Men get all kinds of dating advice — some smart, some stupid. If you’re a dude, it’s hard to know who to believe when it comes to women. Frankly, as women, we’re not even sure what we want half the time, but you knew that already. In any case, sometimes it’s easier for us to say what we don’t want. So if you don’t want to send a woman screaming in the opposite direction, don’t commit a single one of the stupidest mistakes you can make when you’re trying to get with one of us. 1. Trying Too Hard. Think you don’t try too hard with the ladies? Think again. There is nothing that sends a woman running like a man who reeks of desperation. She didn’t call you back? She didn’t return your email? She wandered off to talk to her friends? Dude, she’s just not that into you. Peace out and find another woman.
2. I, Pervert. We know you want to have sex with us. All men want to have sex with us all the time. This is obvious. That is how you are built. Don’t think we don’t know this. Therefore, if you’re perving out from the get-go, we might be prone to throwing up on your shoes. Try turning down your perv-o-meter, and we just might get with you.
3. Laid-Back Dude. At the same time, being a stone-cold chiller can be equally ineffective. If you act so laid-back that we ask you if you’re still awake, you’re probably not trying hard enough. We don’t want you climbing all over us all the time, but you’ve got to put some effort into courting us if you’re ever going to get anywhere.
4. Sloppy Seconds. Men are more understanding about cheating. When it comes to their bros. When it comes to women, we are not so sympathetic. If you can’t keep it in your pants, don’t commit. If you have to drool over every girl you pass, get over it. Even if you confess and we claim to have forgiven you, we haven’t. We’re plotting our revenge.
5. The Tune-Out. OK, we like to talk! We admit it. We like to talk about our feelings, and our day, and what’s going on at work, and those shoes we bought today, and where our relationship is going, and, and, and … You name it, we’ll have a discussion about it. We don’t care if you actually care. We do care if you listen. Pay attention to half of what we’re saying, and we won’t spend so much time trying to get your attention.
6. Mr. Tight Wad. Being cheap is so not sexy. Take her out on a first date? Try this: pay. Who cares if it’s politically correct, if she reached for the bill? It doesn’t have anything to do with money. It has everything to do with generosity. Chicks like it when you pay for stuff. Go figure.
7. Insecure Much? We understand you may not be 100-percent confident, that you, like us, have faults, that you’re as unsure as to how to do this as we are, but do not put your insecurity on parade. It doesn’t matter how manly you act. A gross lack of self-confidence telegraphs weakness — and no girl wants a 99-pound mental weakling.
8. No Mo’ Porno. We’ve watched porn, too. That doesn’t mean we want to do it with Dirk Diggler. If you excessively manscape, trim your pubes obsessively, apply copious amounts of tanning lotion, know the names of more than three male porn stars, spend two minutes on foreplay and then start busting out sex moves that only dudes who do it on camera for money do, and illegally download pornos on a regular basis, you should probably break up with us and move to the San Fernando Valley to pursue your “acting” career. Good luck with that, buddy.
9. Flattery Will Get You Everywhere. Compliments will score you: a happy girlfriend, great sex, everything you ever wanted. It works two ways. Remember: Happy wife (or girlfriend), happy life.
10. Our Toilet, Our Rules. If you come over to our house, spend the night, and leave the toilet seat up, we will get up in the middle of the night, sit on the toilet, and fall into the cold, wet water. After that moment, we will always associate you with falling in the toilet. This is not the message you want to send. Put down the toilet seat. It’s better than sending roses.