Pool Noodle Girlfriend, Plus 16 More Gross Things Guys Do

Yes, that’s a plunger attached to a pool noodle sitting next to some Astroglide lubricant. Some guy masturbates with this contraption. He built it himself! Does the pink-colored tube really make it more accurately life-like? Or maybe the better question is: Why is he posting it on the interwebs?! Dudes can be so gross sometimes. But this here homemade splooger broke me. I had to ask my pals about the most disgusting things they’ve seen men do, just to see if they could top this. What they said, after the jump!

  1. “Toe nails of doom.”
  2. “Picks snot out of his nose and flicks it.”
  3. “Chunky skids marks in underpants.”
  4. “Poops while we’re on the telephone. Why can’t he hang up?”
  5. “Unkempt beard that could be harboring critters living off food scraps.”
  6. “Got ranch dressing all over his face while eating wings and didn’t use a napkin.”
  7. “Doesn’t wash his uncircumcised peen and it’s, like, stinky.”
  8. “Wears one pair of sweatpants, sans undies, without washing forever, despite obvious food stains.”
  9. “I told a dude I got thrush from him and needed to see a doctor. He said that was my problem and then asked to sleep over that night.”
  10. “Hair like an oil slick that’s been dandruff-snowed on — and he still wouldn’t shower!”
  11. “He composted inside his house using a friggin’ Rubbermaid with holes in it so flies swarmed and the place smelled like rotting eggs and worm dung.”
  12. “Trimmed his pubes directly onto the bathroom floor.”
  13. “Burped the stankiest leftover Chinese food directly into my face while we were kissing.”
  14. “Left out half a fried chicken sandwich overnight and ate the rest with crusted over mayo the next day when he got home.”
  15. “He was so drunk that he made a trucker bomb of pee in bed. And when he tossed the bottle, it splattered everywhere.”
  16. “My coworker clips his nails during conference calls at work, and not even over the trashcan!”