Magazine Ad’s Cunning Linguist Wants To “Satisfy Your Carnal Lust”

Some unfortunate women around the country have to plead with their men to service their downtown real estate. But lucky Manhattan ladies who purchase women’s magazines have been finding handwritten magazine inserts from a 45-year-old bookkeeper named John Westwood, who offers his phone number and an earnest offer…

“I am a single white male, 45 years old, 5’8″ tall, who wants to give oral sex to a woman age 18 to 59, any race, ethnicity, nationality, religion. I want to satisfy your carnal lust by giving you powerful orgasms.”

Gawker received the insert from a woman who found John Westwood’s note in her copy of Marie Claire, so they called him up. Although Westwood was surely disappointed it wasn’t a lady on the other end who needed a powerful orgasm, he was game to chat about how he has slipped “carnal lust” inserts into ladymags for almost a year now. In the past 11 months, Westwood estimates he has gotten 116 calls. Zero of these calls have resulted in “powerful orgasms.” “To be honest with you, I’m quite surprised how immature grown women are,” Westwood said. “Most of them take it as a joke … they’re goofball calls.”

Now, why would a woman have a response like that?!

Hey, if anonymous sex is what gets you off, who am I to judge? And it sure beats a perfume insert in your Lucky, doesn’t it? [Gawker]