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You’re Looking At The Biggest Balls In The Animal Kingdom

After seeing Cisco Adler’s sack circulating on the interwebs, I thought there was no bigger baller. However, leave it to scientists at the University of Derby to actually do the research and find the animal with the largest scrotum. Behold: the aptly named Bushcricket. Its body is 14 percent cojones. Look at those things! Can it even walk?! I mean, I thought humans had a hard time juggling the balls and the peen, but this dude’s GF must be one talented cricket — or one always preggers cricket. The Michelle Duggar of crickets!

Oh wait, never mind, apparently the researchers found that its ball size did not mean increased sperm count. So, honestly, what is it carrying those swinging sacks around for? As it turns out, it’s so they can be promiscuous. They’ve got an abundance of baby-making juice, but with a low sperm count. Hence, they have to screw away their two-month-long adult life. Or, as Dr. Karim Vahed — a total George Clooney lookalike, swoon! — put it, “This strongly suggests that extra large testes in bushcrickets allow males to transfer relatively small ejaculates to a greater number of females. Males don’t put all their eggs (or sperm as the case may be) in one basket.”

So, bushcrickets be getting it all the time! And the ladies are all happily slutty, for biological reasons. The average lady bushcricket gets it more than even one of us Frisky gals, having a whopping 23 new partners over the course of a couple months. Wow! I’m changing my spirit animal from a bunny trampling sprinkles to a bushcricket getting’ some booty. [Science Daily]

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