8 Rules For Kissing Off Your One-Night Stand

It’s hard to willingly endorse the one-night stand because it either goes one way or another: a one-nighter can be blissful, but it can also be a cringe-inducing horror. While a lot of things can go wrong with your quickie, most of the problems will occur during the aftermath—the morning after, and maybe even the few days after that. Here, some things that you just. shouldn’t. ever. do. Do Not:

  1. Have breakfast. This gets you into dangerous territory where you are spending yet more time with the person and, as a consequence, you may either: a.) start to like him more and want to move past the one-night thing (let’s face it, this rarely comes from both parties) or b.) send the wrong signals that you are feeling lovey-dovey, which can either be creepy or just uncomfortable.
  2. Facebook your one-night pal. No! Now you know last names. Great.
  3. Ask for phone numbers or emails. If you do happen to have these, post-contact isn’t necessary. If you really, really feel compelled to have closure, a follow-up “thanks for the nice time” text is OK within the first few hours of parting. An email or phone call gets too close.
  4. “Leave” something behind. Think this lame attempt to have to revisit is going to get you together again? Unlikely. If you left it, you lost it. So at least make sure it was something inexpensive and replaceable.
  5. Keep their crap around. Toss whatever socks or boxers he left. It’ll only come back to haunt you with a new dude. And, see above.
  6. If you met through a dating website, no more profile stalking. Having a one-night stand with someone you meet online screams one-night stand more than anything else. Just don’t look at his profile again. (If you can, block him.) What’s worse is a guy who “follows up” through said dating site, which comes off as a gross plea for more sex.
  7. Cuddle. Only if this happens organically. A girl who makes a guy spoon her can seem needy (and you know you ain’t gonna get what you need there from your 12-hour rendezvous). If a guy initiates, it can be sweet … or just irritating.
  8. Lastly, try not to vomit on your way out.