For Sale: Vincent Gallo

After Chloe Sevigny gives you a BJ on camera, how do you top that? Well, if you’re filmmaker Vincent Gallo, you add a “Personal Services” section to your self-indulgent merchandising. Yes, since 2006, Vincent Gallo hasn’t just been selling autographed copies of “Buffalo 66” and this here hand-sharpied Vincent Gallo T-Shirt, the dude is also pimping himself as an escort. Is this legal? Perhaps it shouldn’t be. Anyway, read all the crazy things Vincent Gallo will do for you, after the jump …

“Have you ever watched a movie and fallen in love with one of the actors? The way they looked or a character they played? Afterwards you thought of them over and over. Daydreaming, imagining things, sexy things …

I, Vincent Gallo, star of such classics as “Buffalo 66″ and “The Brown Bunny” have decided to make myself available to all women. All women who can afford me, that is. For the modest fee of $50,000 plus expenses, I can fulfill the wish, dream, or fantasy of any naturally born female … Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill ….

However, female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening together for $100,000. $200,000 buys the lesbos a weekend. A weekend that will have them second-guessing.”

Puke. Wonder if anyone has actually put this item in their cart?

Now, if you scoff at 50G’s and a one-night stay, then perhaps he can impregnate you for the price tag of one million dollars. That’s not even the worst part, scroll down to his completely racially offensive sperm donation section. Listen up, Gallo, beggers can’t be choosers.