Oh, Steph, I need your help! I don’t know if you have ever had this question. But what can you do when you produce too much self-lube? My boyfriend and I of almost two years have been having this problem since we got together. To put it in his words “It’s like ASTRO-Glide down there. There is no friction.
I know plenty of women who have the opposite of this problem and I feel like I shouldn’t complain, but the fact is that neither of us can get off via traditional sex because of it. It doesn’t change with position, and it’s not his size. I’ve had this problem with other boyfriends — which is also the reason why I think I’ve never had an orgasm from traditional intercourse.
Thankfully, we’ve been able to supplement our fun-time activities with other routes of getting off, but I really want to share that experience with him. He hasn’t complained at all. In fact, he is feeling inadequate, and that is certainly not the case, and I feel worse about the whole situation. Any help would be appreciated.
Oh, honey, I think you two are looking at this all wrong!
Let me first point out that I’m approaching this letter from the standpoint of someone who happens to have the Sahara between her thighs. Not only that, but my nether regions weren’t always a barren wasteland. Once upon a time, I was a gusher. (That was the word my first sexual partner actually used: “gusher.” He was classy that way. Then again, he meant it as a compliment. It turned him on like nothing else. And all that natural lubricant meant that I was turned on, as well.) Now, not so much. And sex is painful.
So my first thought upon reading this letter was, “Can we swap!?” But I didn’t want to be insensitive to your plight, so I did some research and, by and large, found that there was nothing wrong with you. While there are a few people out there who have been experimenting with cobbled-together home remedies in order to make themselves dryer, most of those remedies are not really all that healthy for your naughty bits. Not only that, but dry sex can make intercourse painful, and also increase the risk of transmitting STDs.
First of all, a woman’s natural lubrication is a sign of arousal. Which means that you shouldn’t be feeling bad about an ASTRO-Glide vagina, and he shouldn’t be feeling inadequate. On the contrary, your ample wetness is a sign that the both of you are on the right path toward sexual pleasure.
Second of all, the majority of woman out there cannot get off by way of “traditional sex.” In fact, many sex therapists are advocates of what they call “intercourse plus.” Intercourse + clitoral stimulation. Intercourse + nipple sucking. Intercourse + anal play. You get the picture. Basically, while intercourse is a fabulous form of intimacy, it’s typically easier to get off if you pair it with other forms of stimulation.
Not that achieving an orgasm should be the be-all, end-all of your sexual play, but if you do want to experience that together, perhaps you should experiment with some “intercourse plus” yourselves. I commend you on your use of varying sexual positions. What you need is something more than the ol’ in-and-out. Even if he has your ankles up over your head, or you’re rockin’ the wheelbarrow, that’s still all it is: the penis, pumping in and out of the vagina, completely missing the clitoris.
Some positions make it easier for you to stimulate each other’s genitals during the act in pursuit of orgasm. For example, with Woman on Top, your boyfriend could place his hands on your hips so that his thumbs are on either side of your clitoris. Then, he could just paddle his thumbs as you ride him (to sweet, sweet orgasm). Or you could try Doggy Style, a position that makes it easy for him to just reach around and stimulate your clitoris as he enters you from behind. The same holds true for the Sideways position, in which you both lie on your sides with your back to his front. As he enters you from behind, you’ll both have easy access to your clitoris. Or — to make things feel tighter — you could exercise your kegel muscles during sex.
Give these tactics a try and don’t feel bad about yourselves. Wet or dry, an orgasm can be an elusive thing, indeed.