Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Catherine Zeta Jones Preggers? Christina Aguilera A Booze Hound?

Watch out, guys! The tabloids have gone baby crazy. The mags have some pregnancy predictions, so get out your magnifying glasses for a baby bump hunt. When this week’s lot of gossip mags aren’t discussing who has a bun in the oven, they are analyzing how famous mommies are treating their children. Spoiler alert! Christina Aguilera isn’t getting a good review. See what the tabloids have to say about the future of Hollywood motherhood and other juicy subjects after the jump. Just don’t blame me if you leave with an urging for a little urchin of your own.

  • This week’s People features an exclusive interview with songstress Taylor Swift about her upcoming third album, Speak Now. She doesn’t say much about “Dear John” being about a brief romance with John Mayer. But she says plenty of adorable things, like that she still writes in her journal like it’s a person and is pretty inseparable from her mother. Maybe Mom can keep Tay-Tay away from the world’s biggest douchebag in the future?
  • People keeps things girly with a special about pageant dads. This growing group of men take breaks from their jobs as welders and builders to help their daughters win beauty pageants by gluing rhinestones on their outfits and curling their hair. The dads all agree that working with sequins can be fun, but that they are really in it to spend quality time with their kids. As pageant dad Eric Demyan asks, “What activity is bad that gets the whole family together?” Personally, I think any activity that dresses up your children like miniature call girls and teaches them that tap dancing skills and beauty are the most important qualities isn’t an ideal family activity. But maybe I am just bitter that my dad never made me a sparkly, Wild West-inspired dance costume.
  • Real housewife of Atlanta NeNe Leakes opens up about the plastic surgery she got between seasons before the tabloids could make their own guesses. NeNe fesses up to getting a nose job, breast reduction and lift, and a little liposuction around the waist. Leakes is loving her changes, saying she is now a “better version” of herself. Others are a tad critical. NeNe says that her post-op look is being accused of trying to appear more Caucasian and plastic for the camera. Instead of getting upset, NeNe is putting the haters to rest, saying she “couldn’t be happier” especially with the way she looks in a tight dress. [People]

  • We all knew that Christina Aguilera was a dirrrrty girl that liked to experiment sexually. But the big question on the tabloids’ mind is if she is making a full-fledged switch to ladies. They think they have proof that the answer is yes, since Christina has been spending time with Hollywood’s resident lesbian, Samantha Ronson. I imagine it’s annoying being Sam and getting scrutinized for every friendship you have just because you dated Lindsay Lohan. But sources says that Christina has being getting cuddly with Ronson and that the DJ was Aguilera’s shoulder to cry on during her separation. And the singer has continued to make frequent trips to the Ronson house.
  • So a couple weeks ago, Michael Douglas was so ill that he was on his death bed, or so said the gossip mags. Now he has enough energy to give Catherine Zeta Jones another baby. According to insiders, that is what the actor wants more than anything. The thought of another Douglas has supposedly been on his mind every since his diagnosis, say sources. They also claim that Michael froze his sperm before going into treatment, so he had the possibility to expand the family even if he didn’t have the strength to. The couple is said to be feeling hopeful for the “first time in a long time” because of a possible new lease on life both could get from having another child. Whatever happens, Michael and Catherine have become one of my favorite celebrity couples for defying the odds stacked up against them. Let’s hope cancer is another fight they can win.
  • Star is pretty sure that Mark Ballas and Bristol Palin are more than just a steamy duo on the dance floor. I would like to introduce to you not to Team Ballin, but to potential new couple Bark—the perfect complimentary name to Bristol’s sis, Willow. Bristol and Mark are said to have grown close after visiting Alaska, and now are “flirting up a storm,” walking hand in hand, and giving each other public shout-outs. Mark even surprised Bristol by taking her to a hockey game for her birthday. I sense baby bump rumors on the horizon. Prepare yourself. [Star]

  • Speaking of baby bumps, it’s about time for another Beyonce pregnancy rumor. Us Weekly says Jay-Z and Beyonce were surprised by the baby news. Apparently, Beyonce was hoping to get out another album and go on one more world tour before raising her own Destiny’s Child. But because this supposed pregnancy is unexpected doesn’t mean the two aren’t happy. Insiders says they are super psyched. Sources claim the pregnancy is in its first trimester, so Tina Knowles still has six months to craft some House of Dereon onesies.
  • I have a hard time believing that Reese Witherspoon is prepared to wed like Us Weekly is claiming. But I also didn’t think she would let Jake Gyllenhaal get away, so who knows. As usual, we have plenty of anonymous sources saying that Reese and Jim Toth will soon be walking down the aisle. Jim is said to be designing the ring and working on a place to privately pop the question. Reese is ready, now that Jim has completed his trial run at the Witherspoon household. The only issue that isn’t solved is Toth’s relationship with Reese’s two kids. Insiders say that he is still getting to know the little ones, because he has had no experience with children. Though keeping up with his Prince Charming role, Jim is trying to do right and make sure they are comfortable with him.
  • Breaking news! Brad Pitt visited Angelina Jolie on set and kissed her. That’s right. I said kiss. Steamy right? No! Why is the fact that a long-term couple shared a smooch in public a world-rocking discovery? Maybe, because the gossip mags have been doing everything they can to prove that Brangelina is as good as dead. Well, look, both of them are still interested in kissing the beautiful person they live with. Shocking! Now, why do we need a full page spread to talk about this? [Us Weekly]

  • So Christina Augilera is officially the tabloid’s new straw man. Life & Style is saying that Christina is a bad mommy. Apparently, her recent trip to Hawaii after announcing her divorce was a “boozy weekend,” where Patron was on her mind more than son Max, who was stateside with dad. The singer was said to have asked for personal Grey Goose bottle service. The next day insiders say that Aguilera was noticeably hung over, but that didn’t stop her from another night of drinking. She was allegedly carried out of dinner she was so drunk. All this supposed partying is getting Christina scolded by L&S. But it’s not like he was roaming the streets—he does have a dad!
  • Another split couple is getting kudos for their parenting—David Arquette and Courteney Cox. The two reunited for daughter Coco’s horse riding contest, still wearing their wedding rings and seeming kind of cuddly. The separated pair laughed, chatted, and shared a few embraces. Though they are living in different houses, they are dedicated to being “best friends and responsible parents. ” But even the tabloids didn’t expect the two to share this kind of together time. They have labeled it “the last thing in the world anyone expected to see.” I think radioactive lemurs on pogo sticks running Congress is a little higher on the list.
  • Brandy went to Life & Style to explain her “Dancing With The Stars” outburst that she hadn’t “been with anybody in six years.” She clears up that this confession that followed her sexy rumba was not totally true. Brandy admits she hasn’t been celibate for six years, but says that she hasn’t “been with a man seriously and in love in six years.” And that not being in a relationship usually means abstaining from sex for her. Part of the reason for Brandy holding back is her 8-year-old daughter, Sy’rai. Her concern for giving her daughter a normal life prevents the singer from settling “for just anybody.” Brandy does admit that “DTWS” makes her feel sexy, but that doesn’t mean there are any sparks with dance partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy. “We have more of a buddy-buddy relationship,” Brandy explains. [Life & Style]