Dear Wendy Updates: “Snoop Dog” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Snoop Dog,” that guy who “just happened” to guess the password to his girlfriend’s email and discovered she’d been emailing back and forth with an ex. “The emails aren’t really all that exciting,” he wrote, “just things like ‘how are you doing?’ and updates on people they both know and general stuff like that. I’m not sure what to do here. Should I confront her about it?” After the jump, find out whether he confronted her or not and if they’re still together.

I must say, it was an interesting experience for me, writing in. For one, I never expected that you would pick up the question. Secondly, I guess I didn’t realize what a complete jerk I was in this whole thing. Fortunately, you and the readers in the comments section pointed out exactly what kind of jerk I was. And it hurt. I guess it’s easy to tell yourself that what you’re doing is okay, and to lie to yourself in order to make yourself feel better. At least, that’s where I was. But it was kind of a wake-up call to me, reading through what everyone seemed to think, and how horrible I was as a human.

So I took a step back and thought about what was going on in my relationship, and the kind of person I was, and decided that I wanted to keep my relationship and so I was going to do my very best to stop reading her emails and believe that it was nothing, and that they were just friends. So, since the day I read your response, I haven’t been reading her emails. I’ve been tempted quite a lot, but I’ve held off.

And it’s true, by the way, that I didn’t just “happen” to guess her password. This all started because I was curious if I could guess her password, and I was correct in what it was on the first try. It wasn’t that hard to figure out. And this does indeed show something bad about me; you are right. So I didn’t talk to her about the fact I was doing it, and I just let it go. I trusted that I would not need to go to therapy to address these issues if I worked through them myself. Besides, if I did go into therapy, she would be curious as to exactly why I had, and I’m not sure that would have been any better.

Then, a week ago, she took me out to dinner in a public place and told me that she had been emailing back and forth with her ex for a few weeks now, and the emails had become more and more heavy and she realized that she didn’t love me and was still in love with him, and so she had decided to go back to him, and had actually cheated on me with him just a few days after you responded on the site. So, I guess I got what was coming to me.

Thank you for taking my question, and I still enjoy reading your column. Best of luck to you.

Well, that wasn’t a fun update! I’m so sorry to hear you and your girlfriend are no longer together and that she cheated on you. That really sucks. But I hope you don’t think her actions somehow validate your behavior. In the future, if your intuition is telling you something, talk it out. Don’t revert to snooping. I don’t think you’re a “horrible” human being (and I’m sorry if my advice or the comments made you feel that way); you just made a mistake (as did your girlfriend, clearly!). Learn from it, move on, and do better in the future. And I still say therapy might not be a bad idea for you, especially now that you actually have reason to have trust issues. Good luck.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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