30 Manly Things We Love

Holy crap, we’re in the middle of a crisis, y’all! Manliness is under attack! According to way too many articles to count in the last few months, men have turned into big, fat, commitment-phobic pansy asses. In an essay (via Jezebel) featured in an upcoming book about conservatism, Proud to be Right, Katherine Miller writes:

America’s elite has a problem. It’s skinny jeans and scarves, it’s Bama bangs and pants with tiny, tiny embroidered lobsters, it’s Michael Cera, it’s guys who compliment a girl’s dress by brand, it’s guys who don’t know who bats fourth for the Yankees. Between the hipsters and the fratstars, American intellectual men under the age of twenty-five have lost track of acting like Men — and these are our future leaders. We have no John Wayne, no Clint Eastwood. And girls? Girls hate it.

Look, I’m not going to argue with the fact that I’ve been disappointed by many of the men I’ve dated over the last few years, who seemed to lack backbone, common courtesy, and resourcefulness, three attributes, by the way, that I like seeing in other women as well. But this idea that dudes wearing scarves is a sign that manliness has gone the way of the dinosaurs? I don’t buy it. After the jump, 30 manly things I love that, as far as I can tell, haven’t gone anywhere.

  1. Stubble
  2. Stubbornness
  3. Hairy chests
  4. That they don’t always know the difference between a dress and a skirt
  5. Muscled calves
  6. Cute butts
  7. BVD underwear
  8. Bourbon
  9. Their unwavering allegiance to bar soap
  10. Button-fly jeans
  11. Tube socks
  12. The desire to take things apart and put them back together
  13. Speed Stick deodorant
  14. The way he says “babe”
  15. That he can pick you up
  16. Thick eyebrows
  17. That super sexy V at his pelvis
  18. Happy trails
  19. The innate ability to start a fire
  20. Stamina
  21. That he doesn’t know what moisturizer is, let alone use it
  22. His strong hands, even though they’ve never seen a manicure
  23. Going down for as long as it takes to get you off, which is hopefully not that long, if he’s any good
  24. That he treats his mom with respect
  25. Graying temples
  26. Chivalrous moves, whether we “need” them or not, like offering his jacket, opening tight jars, and walking on street grating regardless of whether you’re in heels
  27. The inexplicable, fierce and universal love of baseball (or football or videogames) compared to his seething hatred of tabloid magazines (or reality TV or Lady Gaga)
  28. Aftershave
  29. Bragging about your accomplishments, not his own
  30. Musky but subtle B.O. after he works out (or just mows the lawn)