Dear Wendy: “My Family Thinks I Should Dump My Overweight Boyfriend”
It’s time again for a mega “Shortcuts Weekend.” For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss heavyweight love, overcoming paralyzing shyness, her cheatin’ ways, and the dangers of boinking your handyman.
For some reason I have always been attracted to heavyset guys. I have a boyfriend who definitely shops at the “Big and Tall” stores, and I love him to death. However, I am very petite and by average American standards am pretty hot. My family is also very fit and good-looking. So here is my problem/annoyance: I am sick of the looks people give me and constantly being questioned, “What are YOU doing with HIM?!” Is everyone so shallow? My friends and even some family all push me to break up because, “I can do better.” What do you have to say, Wendy? — The Hot One
I say ignore the naysayers and live your life for yourself not for them. If you and your boyfriend exude confidence and happiness together, that will be what people notice most about your relationship.
I have a problem with being paralyzingly shy around men I am interested in. If I am attracted to them and especially if there has been any kind of long build-up to hanging out, it’s like my brain freezes and I don’t know what to say. I had this kind of build-up with this one guy in particular recently. We finally met up at his party and he tried to start a conversation with me like five times, but I couldn’t say anything coherent, yet when I walked away and talked to some other guys I was full of charming confidence. I try not to psyche myself out about it too much, but I still act like a shrinking violet. Also, I’m 30 years old. I would have thought that by now I wouldn’t be so intimidated by men at this age, but I am. Do you have any advice or recommend any books that have good coping mechanisms on this? — The Shy One
Some tips for dealing with social anxiety: get a Xanax prescription; drink a big glass of wine; think of a few things to talk about before you hang out with guys; plan “active” dates, like bowling or hitting up a trivia night at a local bar, where conversation is the main event; instead of thinking about how nervous you are, focus on putting the other person at ease (you’d be amazed how much more relaxed you can be when you take the focus off your own anxiety and think about how nervous the other person might be).
My boyfriend and I have been together for the last three years and we currently live together. Overall, I would characterize our relationship as really good and I would say I’ve been pretty happy in it. However, a few months back, I got together with an old friend from college. We ended up having incredibly hot sex that night and we’ve been seeing each other every few weeks or so since then. He and I both agreed that this was just no-strings-attached fun, and as long as no one found out, we weren’t hurting anybody. Problem is, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I really like this guy. I don’t think he and I have a future together, though, for various reasons. And honestly, I love and care about my boyfriend, and I don’t want to throw that away over some fling. I guess my question to you is, how do I get this guy out of my head? I have no doubts that if I tell him that I no longer want to see him, he’ll be respectful of my wishes. But, I just can’t bring myself to do that. I want to see him, but I don’t want to want to see him! I recognize that I probably have some work to do in my existing relationship, and obviously I can’t do that with this guy in the picture. Tell me, Wendy, how do I stop thinking about this guy? — Confused and Frustrated
Since you obviously have no interest in being in a serious, committed, respectful relationship, you should break up with your boyfriend immediately and save him the trauma of being with a cheater who has the moral fiber of a slug. Fourteen sentences and not one of them is about how guilty you feel for betraying a person you “love and car about”? Shame on you.
I thought I met a nice guy through my next door neighbor — a handy man named Dan who worked around my house and fixed a lot of things at an affordable price until I made the mistake and got together with him off and on for four years!!! It happened gradually — we would work together on a house project then when we were done we would get something to eat or I would make us a meal, have a few beers and then the next thing you know he would come onto me and I tried to resist and say no but always gave in after awhile. BIG MISTAKE!!!! It started getting harder and harder to get a hold of him if something broke, so one day I told him off. Now he is gone and I am sad and have no one to fix things at a good price when they break or no one to get together with for dinner, drinks, bbq, a movie at home or a good conversation and coffee. Should I try to call him again and get some answers since he disappeared with no explanation? — Miss My Fix-It
Dan used you for sex and now he’s moved on. Let this be a lesson to everyone: don’t sleep with someone who provides an essential service to you that would be difficult to replace.
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