Wait, what did you think I was going to write?
Sum Poosie is a “vagina-themed” energy drink that tastes like cherry and was created by a guy who turned down a job offer from Red Bull in 1996. “Basically, it’s an energy drink, but it’s like the ‘Girls Gone Wild’ of energy drinks,” the drink’s distributor Levar Turner, who is under the impression that is a selling point, told blogger Amanda Hess at TBD.com. “There are a million and one energy drinks. We needed to stand out. What better way than with Sum Poosie?”
So. How does Sum Poosie stand out? Bottles with boobies, boobies, boobies.It’s not just Sum Poosie bottles that are ripping off Hooters; the company drives around Sum Poosie-themed vans and cars that look like the inside of the sleaziest of strip-mall sex shops: featuring pics of buxom bikini babes in knee-high boots against a hot pink and black checkerboard background. I wanna wash my vag off just looking at them.
But don’t let all that T&A confuse you! Sum Poosie is committed to educating people about “safe sex.” Turner claims Sum Poosie is actually an acronym for “Subliminal Urgent Message: Positive Outlook On Sex Ignorance and Education.”
Oh, and this magical beverage also, by Levar Turner’s testimony, helps men maintain a stiff one. Where are Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan? This is a “30 Rock” episode just waiting to happen.
Main image via Facebook. Body image via SheWired.com.