• Relationships

15 People You Should NOT Be Friends With On Facebook

Even though the Facebook empire is taking over the world and everyone you know in it (even your grandparents), that doesn’t mean that you are obligated to accept every friend request or suggestion that comes your way. In fact, there are some people who are best left out of your social network. After the jump, the people you should never friend on Facebook. Because not all friend requests are created equal.

  1. Your therapist. Yes, your therapist may be the person who knows you best. If you are considering a Facebook friendship with your shrink, we say, “Leave that s**t on the couch.”
  2. Your parents’ friends. DO NOT WANT creepy messages about how wonderful you look now. As opposed to when you were 11?
  3. Family members who like to gossip to other family members. How did your Aunt Ida find out there’s a picture of you making out with a stranger in a bar? (Side note: don’t friend the stranger you made out in a bar with either, even if he becomes a stranger you are casually dating. See #’s 4 and 15. )
  4. Any stranger who’s trying to friend you ’cause you “look good.” That’s code for “I’m a sex worker, con artist, or murderer.” Actually, anyone who is a stranger. Stranger = danger.
  5. A stranger who you just so happen to have friends in common with. Facebook intuited that you know people in common? So what? If Facebook jumped off a bridge would you? (Sorry, Friendster, that wasn’t a jab at you. I miss you, Friendster! XOXO.)
  6. Your boss. Obviously, because then you can’t write status updates about how much work sucks or post pictures of you defacing company property. (This rule doesn’t apply if you are employed at The Frisky.)
  7. Professional contacts. They don’t care that your cat went to the vet today.
  8. Fundamentalists or extremists. Do you want spam on your feed with links to propaganda websites? No, you don’t.
  9. Any person whose life revolves around their small child. Status updates about bowel movements are not “fun breaks” from your workday; they are “punishments.”
  10. Farmville and FourSquare fanatics. Don’t even get me started. Just get a life.
  11. Anyone you didn’t actually like in high school. The high school bitch who was always mean to you doesn’t deserve to be your friend now, even if she is toothless and you are a sexy brain surgeon. Leave her to karma, not Facebook.
  12. People in your life you’ve had a falling-out with. If your awful college roomie sends you a friend request with no note or message, she’s doesn’t deserve to be forgiven after 10 years.
  13. The guy your friend has a crush on. Unless you knew him first … that’s shady.
  14. Your ex’s new significant other. Bound to make you want to eat a s**t sandwich.
  15. Anyone you’re dating casually. After you’re done with them three weeks later, they’ll just be clogging up your feed.
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