Dear Wendy Updates: “Can’t Help Being In Love” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Can’t Help Being in Love” who wondered if she should dump her boyfriend, despite being in love with him, because he’s on disability and may never be able to financially contribute to the household like she wants a potential husband to be able to. After the the jump, find out if she’s still with her guy.

Thank you for your advice and the advice of your great commenters. It really was helpful to get a variety of perspectives. My boyfriend and I are still happily together. Thankfully, I have been able to be honest and vulnerable in communicating my anxiety to him. I have accepted the fact that he will most likely remain on disability in some form and will never have the same earning potential that I do. But you and your readers are right: an equal partnership means so much more than contributing a paycheck. My boyfriend remains kind, nurturing and loving. When we are together, everything feels right. Although it is still early in our relationship, I can see him being a great father and life partner.

Although his disability payments are enough for him to pay his bills, I am more concerned with him having goals in life. I can see myself building resentment towards him if I’m out in the world accomplishing my goals and he’s sitting at home not doing anything. Disability allows you to work part time and still get benefits, including the crucial health insurance he relies on for his medical condition. I’ve expressed to him that I would like to see him work part time eventually and finish his education. I explained that working towards goals are qualities I would like in a partner. However, if these are things he does not want for himself, I will have to accept that and find a partner who is a better match for me. Most importantly, these must be his goals, and not something he feels I am pressuring him to do. He told me that he really does feel he needs to finish his education and that if working part time will allow him to make more money and not lose his benefits, he is willing to do that. Although I know these things won’t happen overnight, I will wait and see if he follows through. Most importantly, I want us to be able to grow together as a couple. I’m hoping for the best. — Can’t Help Being in Love

Thanks for the update. Best of luck to you both!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”” title=””} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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