Dear Wendy Updates: “Keeping A Secret” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Keeping a Secret,” who got pregnant by her boyfriend of four months while practicing the rhythm method as their only birth control. “I don’t want to burden him with this pain,” she wrote, “and I feel that I’m responsible for the mess I’m in right now since everything leading to it was my decision. I want to act as if this never happened but I’m afraid if this man does end up being the person I marry, I may regret keeping it from him for the rest of my life.” I/we tried to tell her that her boyfriend was as responsible for the pregnancy as she was, and it wasn’t her job to protect him from the “burden.” After the jump, find out whether she decided to tell him or not.

I want to thank you and your readers for all your thoughts and advice. It was a small comfort to be able to share this with complete strangers that could give me their objective opinions. I asked myself what was most important to me in this situation and in the end, it was to keep myself strong and sane until it was over. For me, that meant going through it quietly and alone. My boyfriend did notice I was late and it was obvious by his reaction he wasn’t ready to be a father either. I simply told him I have it under control and not to worry. This prompted a conversation about contraceptives and I explained condoms will no longer be optional on “safe” days and he agreed that I’m the boss. (It turns out I ovulated one week earlier than expected and this is why I got pregnant. I won’t trust my cycle to be regular from now on.) If we ever get to the point where we are ready for a family, maybe then I can let him know what happened the first months we were dating and hopefully he’ll understand why I didn’t tell him.

I felt sad after the procedure, disappointed in myself and I regret I wasn’t more careful. What affected me the most was when my mother asked me that very same day if I had any bad news to report because she had a dream there was a death in the family… I don’t regret the abortion but I hope in time I will be able to forgive myself for my carelessness. — Still keeping my secret.

I’m glad you’re happy with the decision you made and you’ve talked to your boyfriend about taking better/safer precautions in the future. Personally, I wish he would have been a little more inquisitive when he realized you were late rather than simply accepting that you had it “under control,” but if you’re satisfied with his actions, that’s the most important part, I guess.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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