Dear Wendy: “I’m Obsessed With My Ex”
It’s time for another shortcuts. You know the drill; For every question, I’ll give my advice in two sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss obsessing over an ex, dealing with a newlywed friend, and the ol’ Facebook relationship status conundrum.
I only dated “Keith” for four months when he broke up with me. He has completely cut me off and asked me to leave him alone. I haven’t left him alone, because I’m so out of control; I continue to call and text. Of course, I’ve done nothing but piss him off and show him that I am just some sort of psychotic woman. He has been divorced for 10 years and said I was the first woman he introduced to his family and daughter. Is there anyway I can salvage this? I know, I know, I need to stop contacting him. I also just saw that he put his dating profile back on line. We broke up August 9th. — Can’t Move On
Delete his number from your phone and memory and don’t ever contact him again (and quit stalking him online, too!). It’s over, there’s no way to salvage it, and if you keep harassing poor Keith, you’re going to have a lot more problems than dealing with a broken heart and bruised ego.
My boyfriend broke up with me last night because he didn’t think we were compatible. The main reason he mentioned for the break-up is that he doesn’t see where we are going. In my opinion, that’s a really stupid reason because you don’t have to always know where the relationship is headed. We had only been dating two weeks, which I know, is a very short time, but we really had a thing for each other and moved quickly — maybe too quickly? I told him that he was too afraid to try and that he wasn’t giving me a fair shot, and he said that he may indeed be too afraid for the risk. The whole break-up came as a complete shock to me as well. I’m 20 and I have been in a number of relationships before, but this was my first healthy one. I’ve also never been the one dumped before so it’s even harder for me this time. I really want him back, but of course I don’t want to appear miserable or desperate. I really see some potential in the relationship and I would like to know what I can do to salvage it. — Sudden Shock
Please read the advice I gave “Can’t Move On.” And keep in mind: two weeks is not a relationship; it’s a fling.
My best friend got married this past June. We’re both only 23 so she’s the first of my friends to get married. Before she got married, she and her husband were in a long-distance relationship for several years. They only saw each other once or twice a month and she and I were always doing things together, just the two of us. Since the wedding, my friend and I haven’t done a single thing without her husband. He’s a really great guy — I like him a lot and he’s always extremely nice to me when the three of us hang out, but I really miss having some one-on-one time with my friend. In the first weeks after they got married, whenever I asked her to do something she would ask if he could come along and I always said yes because I didn’t know how to say no without hurting anyone’s feelings. Recently she’s stopped asking and has just started to bring him to everything I invite her to. I know I have to say something, but I’m worried that his feelings will be hurt and that she’ll just spend less time with me. How do I tell my married friend that I want to do things just the two of us, at least sometimes? — Third Wheel
Tell her exactly what you’ve said here: that you think her husband’s a great guy, you enjoy spending time with both of them together, but you miss having one-on-one time with her and even though she’s recently married and understandably wants to spend most of her time with her new husband, especially after years of being long distance, it would mean a lot to you if the two of you could hang out sometimes without him. You might find her spending a little less time with you in the future, and it probably won’t ever be like it was when her husband didn’t live there, but when the newness of marriage fades a bit, she’ll be happy to have some time away from him to do her own thing.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for around two months. He was a little hesitant to be in a relationship at first, but then enthusiastically decided that we should make it “Facebook official.” Recently though, I noticed that he has erased all hint of our relationship from his fb page, and simply lists in his info that he’s interested in women. It’s a little immature of me to worry, but I feel a bit hurt that he has made a point of not acknowledging his relationship with me after it was his idea to do so. Our relationship is long distance (I only see him on weekends, or every other weekend) and very new, so I’m wondering if something’s wrong. Should I ask him about his abrupt switch or leave it alone? — UnStatus-fied
Yes, ask him, but be prepared that he might not give you a straight or honest answer. If something smells fishy, there’s probably a reason.
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