Dear Wendy Updates: “Fixated On The Fantasy” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Fixated on the Fantasy,” the woman whose new boyfriend was everything she thought she wanted, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was “off.” She worried that she simply wasn’t used to dating nice guys and so she didn’t recognize a happy relationship when she found it or if she simply wasn’t into him. After the jump, found out if she figured it out and whether she’s still with the guy.

I know it’s only been a few weeks since you responded to my letter (thanks, by the way. Your unbiased perspective was very helpful), but here’s where things are, whether they lead to a lifetime of love or not:

I had an epiphany. I am sure that it was the eventual result of everyone telling me to pull my head out of my ass. But I want you to have a little background on where I realize I’ve been coming from with this whole issue. Particularly for your readers who think I just like drama. I had a stalker about nine years ago, against whom I still hold a restraining order (it was so bad). I hid out for years and then once I got back in the dating pool about 4 1/2 years ago I immediately dated two douchebags in a row due to complete lack of self-esteem. It took me another year to realize what I was doing and why I was doing it. I have been on a string of first dates since my last relationship over two years ago and almost got myself hooked up with douchebag number three until I realized the pattern repeating itself. I didn’t necessarily know how to stop it, but at least I recognized it. Baby steps … lol.

Now, I’ve met this guy who has a beautiful heart. And I realize that I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop — waiting for him to suddenly put his hand up and hold me at arm’s length like my last two boyfriends did. I was consciously worried about how genuine and invested he was, worrying about whether it will work out or if he’ll become crazy. I know that the likelihood of that happening twice in someone’s life is slim to none, but I can’t help the lingering fear in the back of my head, especially when it’s a fear that I’ve been subconsciously harboring for years.

So, long story short, I was the one projecting my past onto my potential future. I am now embracing the fact that the new guy is good and this relationship has renewed my faith in men and dating and … love, I guess. I admit, I have had little moments of panic now and then but they are becoming fewer and farther between as my subconscious accepts the fact that I think he just really is “one of the good ones.” Plain and beautifully simple. — Embracing the Love (formerly known as “Nice Guy and the Bitch”)

You know, it’s never easy recognizing our own dysfunctional patterns in relationships (and life). It’s even harder stopping those patterns, so kudos to you for making the effort. I wish you all the best!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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