It’s time again for another “Shortcuts” weekend. For every question, I’ll give my advice in two sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss kinky boyfriends, pushy moms, outdated relationships, and annoying roomies.
I recently decided to return to yoga to get back into shape and to help calm my frantic nerves. My boyfriend, who keeps telling me how supportive he is of my choice to be healthy, seems to question me at every pass. He questions the cost of classes, why he can’t ‘watch me’ do yoga when I’m alone in the bedroom, and asks, “that’s it?” if I come home earlier from the gym than expected. The most recent odd question: “Why can a room full of strangers in a yoga class watch you but you won’t let me watch you at home?” I’m at a loss for words. I am exhausted from explaining myself and, honestly, I don’t feel like I should have to! How is he so ‘supportive’ but so contradictory with his behavior? — Newbie Yogi
Geez, just let the guy watch you do a few downward dogs already and maybe he’ll get off your case. He sounds a little kinky.
I love my mother very much, but she drinks a lot then she wants to talk to me about stuff I really don’t want to talk about such as religion and socio-political things like immigration. When I disagree with her or decide to leave, she gets very angry with me and calls me a bleeding heart liberal. I’m out of work and living with her for the time being so it’s not like I can just leave. I’m at my wits end. Help, please! — Henpicked
When she brings up topics you’re uncomfortable talking about, don’t engage her. Either change the conversation or tell her your have no opinion or no comment at this time (works for politicians).
Since my senior year of high school I have been dating a caring, sweet, wonderful man who makes me laugh. For the last two years we’ve been going to different colleges and maintaining a long distance relationship while we’re apart during the school year, and being together while we’re home on summer vacation. Although I love him very much, lately I’ve been wondering if he’s the best person for me. We don’t seem to have as much fun as we used to together and have been fighting almost every day. He was recently kicked out of his college for the second time due to poor academic performance and is attending the community college in our home town and has being selling pot on-again-off-again. I wonder if I can be with a person who is not ambitious about his goals. The long distance seems to wear on me more and more as I see all my college friends leading a single life and experiencing things that I can’t, and I wonder if I’m missing out. My boyfriend is depressed about being kicked out of his school of choice yet again and I’m afraid that if I leave him I’ll be taking away the only good thing in his life. Should I leave, even though I still care deeply about him? — Confused College Girl
Yes, yes, yes a million times, yes. Life’s too short to live yours for someone else.
I have a close friend who is also my roommate. Most of the time we get along great, but every once in a while something will happen, and she’ll either flake or do something she knows isn’t right, and then proceed to ask me if I’m mad at her. I’m a fairly rational person and most of the time I’m either not mad, or if I am, it isn’t a big enough deal to talk to her about it. Other times when I’m upset, I can’t say that I’m mad at her because it only makes the situation worse and then somehow I’m made out to be the bad guy. What is better to do? Shrug it off and say I’m not mad at all or tell her and risk a huge fight? — Confused Roommate
Pick your battles. If something isn’t a big deal, shrug it off, but if things pile up or she does something to really piss you off, tell her in a calm, reasonable manner and be prepared to stand your ground.
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