Dear Diary: Amelia Discovers Sex

In honor of Dear Diary Day, brave Frisky staffers share their most mortifying diary entries. Share yours in the comments. We promise not to laugh.This entry is from the week following losing my virginity, when I was a senior in college. I was a late bloomer! It’s disturbing, a little, to read my initial description of my first time. I remember knowing that it was wrong that the guy — Craig — had sex with me without my permission. It was a shady situation, one I’ve written about before, and it wasn’t until after I wrote this entry that I finally faced the fact that what he did made me uncomfortable and that I didn’t want to see him ever again. Oh, and apparently I did not believe in capital letters back then.

october 27, 2000

i. got. laid. i swear to god. twice. the FIRST TIME was on the first night we went out and what i had thought, in my horny state, was him banging me was actually me having sex. cause it didn’t hurt, i just thought he was damn good with his hands. then the second time happened on monday when we were hanging out. i was so estatic [sic] about having had sex that craig was like, “wait … didn’t we have sex on friday?” that’s when i realized. nevertheless, i am soooooo happy. i walked around all day with perma-grin on my face. it was so sweet. in the middle of it, he was like, “you’re so amazing.” it’s so strange not to be a virgin anymore. i was one for so long … okay so here’s the tiny downside. craig … in all his environmentalist glory, is voting for bush! i’m taking that one to the grave. i f**ked and liked a republican.

Ahhh, this next entry makes me want to just die of embarrassment. After the situation with Craig, I went on a bit of a sex bender. I had waited so long to lose my virginity that once I did, I went a little hog wild. I had a one-night stand and then I slept with a guy I had been crushing on for months, the person who I tend to think of as my first love. It was the first time I associated sex with emotion and as a result I pined after this guy (and slept with him a bunch) for all of my senior year, and for the first couple years after college. He’s still a wonderful friend of mine and he’s happily married now. Ahh, memories!

december 16, 2000

the s**t that has gone down. i gave ol’ craig the boot for pulling the switcheroo, voting for bush, and just being an all around boring guy. then i had a one night stand with this hot guy named sean whom I met through jordan. and then six days later, i finally got my #1 City on a Hill [my college newspaper] boyfriend, who is officially my love. here’s the lowdown — he’d been flirting with me pretty much all quarter. finally a bunch of us CHPers went out to the bars and basically as the night progressed and as he and i got drunker, the sexual tension was huge until i slammed up again the wall and told him he was coming home with me. we headed home, had the most AMAZING sex ever … we made intense eye contact multiple times which was just so … intimate. sigh …  i knew i was in love immediately.