• Relationships

Dear Wendy: “Should I Ask My Booty Call Why He Disappeared?”

I had a booty call/fling/whatever you want to call it with this guy for about nine months. We had both just gotten out of long term relationships so we knew neither of us was looking for anything serious. Besides, the sexual chemistry was fantastic! We weren’t just booty calls, though; we hung out, went and saw movies, went to bars together and essentially enjoyed each other’s company. About a week ago communication between the two of us just stopped. I didn’t think much of it, considering the fact that it had to end at some point (as all booty friends do) but I was wondering if it would be out of line for me to approach him about the end of our “relationship.” I’m not upset that it ended, but I feel as if I have a right to know why things just came to a halt. I was curious as to how you would approach a situation like this, or if you even would. — No Longer Booty Called

I can tell you what probably happened. After nine months, he was over his breakup with his ex and ready to date again. He likely met someone with whom he connected — on more than just a physical level — and decided to pursue a real relationship with her. Things probably got to a point with her — perhaps after the first date, maybe after a couple weeks together — where he no longer felt right about seeing (i.e, sleeping with) you anymore. So, he simply stopped calling. If it’s bothering you that much and you want to hear it from him, send him a quick text/call/email saying, “Hey, haven’t heard from you in awhile. Hopefully, you’ve met someone and are doing well. If you get a chance, give me a quick call and let me know you’re OK.” Keep it short and simple — just like a good booty call should be.

So I met this guy about a month ago, and we’ve had a few dates. He invited me to join his gaming group that meets every week and I’ve been really enjoying that, but last week I had a few too many drinks to drive home so he invited me to crash on his couch for the night. We ended up snuggling all night which was really nice, but I kept expecting him to make a move and he never did. I’m not complaining; I’m perfectly OK with taking it slowly and letting things develop as they will, but the thing is I can’t seem to get a read on whether he likes me as anything more than a friend. Sometimes I get the feeling he does, but I dunno if I’m just reading too much into it because I really like him (and have from the first date), or if he does like me and is just kind of shy and reserved about it (he does seem the shy-ish type). It scares me to think how fast I could end up falling for him if I let myself, but I feel like I should know if the feeling is mutual before I let myself get head over heels, right? But I haven’t had the guts to straight out ask him, and I’m having my doubts as to whether that would even be a good idea. I’m terrified not just of what the answer might be, but also that it might result in a horribly awkward, uncomfortable pause. Maybe he’s not even sure yet what his feelings are? Also, if he is just not interested that way, I really wouldn’t want to mess up the friendship we’re building because I do like just hanging out with him and his group. So my heart is telling me I should confess and find out if he feels the same as I do, but my gut says that would be a mistake, and my head tells me I am just over-analyzing the whole thing. I’ve been burned by this before, when I liked a guy and had no idea that he didn’t like me back. I really want to avoid that happening again, but I am so confused here, which instinct should I listen to? — Afraid of the Awkward Turtle

If the biggest relationship burn you’ve experienced thus far is that you liked a guy who didn’t like you back, you’re going to have to pull up your big girl pants, take a deep breath and steel yourself: it gets harder, believe me. Sure, if you’re lucky, you might be able to avoid ever falling again for a guy who doesn’t like you back, but that doesn’t mean you’ll forever avoid having your heart broken, or being hurt or disappointed or confused in love. Relationships are difficult! Even the very best ones are full of challenges, compromises and sacrifices. And if you want any chance at having a happy, fulfilling one some day, you’re going to have to prepare yourself for a road that’s less than smooth.

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and assume you’re very young. How else to explain being terrified of a “horribly awkward, uncomfortable pause”? Seriously, a pause? You’re afraid to actually ask this guy how he feels about you — or, you know, lean in for a kiss and see if he leans in, too, because you’re terrified of a pause? A few seconds of discomfort is so not a big deal. And chances are, he’ll be flattered even if he doesn’t feel the same way. But, I’d be willing to bet, if he invited you to a weekly activity, welcomed you to his home for the night, and spent a whole evening snuggling with you, that he probably is harboring a bit of a crush on you as well. And if he isn’t? If you tell him you kinda like him and he says he only sees you as a friend? Those awkward seconds will pass and all those hours, days, and weeks you probably would have spent speculating how he feels about you will suddenly be freed up so you can think about other things. Like who you’re going to vote for when you finally turn 18.

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*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at {encode=”dearwendy@thefrisky.com” title=”dearwendy@thefrisky.com”}.

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