Recession, smesshion. That seems to be what luxury goods makers and upscale restaurants seem to be saying, anyway. Earlier this week, the Frome Cheese Show unveiled its latest hyper-expensive creation: a $175 cheese sandwich. What makes a friggin’ cheese sandwich cost $175? Well, it features white cheddar infused with truffles and is sprinkled with gold dust. Great, we’ll take three.
After the jump, some of the other must-have items you’ll need to have the most extravagant, luxurious and douche-y day of your life. BREAKFAST
It’s important that you get started out with a good, healthy breakfast. The Westin New York at Times Square offers a scrumptious White Truffle Bagel ($1,000), topped with white truffle cream cheese and goji berry-infused Riesling jelly with gold leaves.
You’re a working girl — that’s how you afford all these extravagant luxuries (OK, that and a bangin’ trust fund) — so you’ll need a computer. How about this Stuart Hughes MacBook Air Supreme Ice Edition? Priced at a mere $200,000, the MacBook Air is made of pure platinum, and includes a diamond Apple logo, made from 53 stones weighing in at 25.5 carats. No biggie. Protect your supreme Air Supreme with a Chanel case ($1,555) made of embossed leather. Just remember not to leave it at Starbucks!
Working at this level means regular desk chairs won’t do. That’s while you’ll need this Trashed Denim line will run you around $250,000. And guess what? They’ve been washed 13 TIMES before they get to you!
But work is haaaard and you’re hungry. So have a “haute dog,” ($69) from NYC eatery Serendipity, featuring duck liver, truffle butter, truffle mustard and heirloom tomato ketchup. Not a hot dog kind of girl? Try the Richard Nouveau burger ($175), from the charmingly quaint Wall Street Burger Shoppe. Named for a fictional blogger from the website Pocketchange, the burger includes 25 grams of black truffles, a seared slab of foie gras, Kobe beef, and is dusted in gold flakes. Why, of course, wash it all down with a bottle of designer water. The Acqua di Cristallo Tributo a Modigliani ($60,000) comes in a 24k gold-coated bottle made in the style of the artist Modigliani.
After working really hard on your “Kittens with Mittens” blog (which brings in the big money), you’ll want to unwind with a delicious cocktail. Perhaps the Sapphire Martini from Mezz ($3,000) will do. It’s made with Bombay Sapphire gin and comes complete with a sterling silver pick holding a pair of platinum-mounted diamond and sapphire earrings. So typical. You deserve a treat: How about the Frozen Haute Chocolate ($25,000), a blend of 28 cocoas molded into a delicious chocolate confection. It includes 5 grams of edible 23-karat gold and comes accessorized with an 18-karat gold bracelet featuring one carat of white diamonds.
Perhaps you’d like to take a spin on your fancy speed boat — the Aquariva by Gucci (yes, that Gucci) ($760,000). Because a luxury boat ride deserves a luxury brand, the seats and sundeck are upholstered in waterproof Gucci print fabric. And Gucci even thought to make a bag and shoes to go with the boat. How thoughtful!
Or you could skip the boat, and spend a quiet night at home, listening to tunes pumped out of your gorgeous Louis Vuitton speakers (price upon request, but if you have to ask you can’t afford them). Music never looked this good, they say. Or contemplate how you’ll further extend your “Kittens with Mittens” empire (franchises? merchandise?) on a spin in your Bugatti Veyron ($1.7 million), which goes from 0 to 60 in an astonishing 2.6 seconds while also doing your taxes and ironing your clothes.
Finally, you can go to bed, knowing you’ve spent a whopping: $4,298,244. Congratulations, you’re a d-bag!