Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Kim Kardashian Pregnant? Ashton Kutcher A Serial Cheater?

This week’s tabloids were all about being interactive, with quizzes to test your knowledge on important stuff like celebrity six-packs and “Oprah.” But we wouldn’t want to ruin your fun by giving you the answers, so we just stuck to breaking down the dirt. As usual, the gossip didn’t let us down—except for People—so take a look at what juicy, maybe true tid-bits you should be talking about this week.

  • I always feel cheated by a People with a “My New Body” cover, because it signals an extreme lack of interesting “news” inside. It’s true again with this week’s issue. Kate Gosselin is the one with a spanking new physique. She shares that it was the usually lauded diet and exercise that got her this way, especially her daily 5+ mile runs. Food-wise, Gosselin steered clear of carbs and sugars, treating herself with the occasional fat-free Fig Newton cookie. Now, the 130-lb reality star is ready to share her new body and lame cookies with a Mr. Right.
  • Prepare yourself—Michaele Salahi is in a tabloid for something other than “gatecrashing.” Well, sort of. In the new book about the Salahis, Michaele opens up her fight with multiple sclerosis. The Real Housewife says it is this constant health struggle that allows her to ignore criticism that she is “stupid or too thin” and focus on more important things. Then, right when I was feeling sympathy for her, Michaele brought up the infamous White House dinner, and how a MS flare-up was what caused the Salahis to leave early, which in turn raised suspicion about whether the couple was invited. True or not, I was disappointed she couldn’t let the personal confession stand on its own.
  • The rest of the issue was dominated by the annual “Best and Worst Dressed of 2010,” which I guess gives stars the remaining 3 months of the year to dress how they please unscathed. The special served up the usual gowns and gaffes. They also included a page solely dedicated to Lady Gaga and another whose sole purpose was to poke fun at Snooki trying to be trendy. Hey, Snooki brought the pouf back. That has to give her some standing, right? [People]

  • Life & Style is here with the real news. Kim Kardashian could possibly be pregnant! I do not have enough exclamation points to convey my excitement. The mag has eye witness reports that Kim and her mom bought three pregnancy tests from a London pharmacy. The article also has almost every form of tabloid “research” used to investigate stories, including a full-page analysis of Kim’s looser clothing choices, examples of her ongoing fatigue, examination into her recent alcohol-free but fat-full dinners, and allegations that Kim is in a baby race with sister Khloe. Well, if that isn’t proof, I don’t know what is. Expect maybe actual proof.
  • L&S is all about jumping to conclusions this week. Based on a clip of JWoww playing with her boobs in front of the mirror in an episode of “Jersey Shore,” the tabloid has decided she is obsessed with breast augmentation and plastic surgery in general. A doctor who allegedly saw the “Shore” girl in February said that JWoww was looking to make her breasts larger but more natural, a request he supposedly obliged. Now, she is suspected of getting another augmentation after a “fresh” scar was spotted while she was wearing a bikini last month. Apparently, GTL isn’t enough to keep our girl happy.
  • An article that actually gets me concerned: “Glee’s in Crisis.” Supposedly, the cast is on the brink of war. Many of the actors feel like they are not seeing enough money from “Glee’”s album, while Mark Salling and Matthew Morrison’s solo ventures are stirring things up as well. But it really comes down to Lea Michele, who is allegedly jealous of Diana Agron’s movie role in “The Romantics,” and is just a general diva. Insiders says that her antics escalate because she is always hungry thanks to her strict vegan diet. Sure, blame the vegetables. [Life & Style]

  • Us Weekly promises that we have even more brawling, hair pulling, and marinara sauce-chucking to look forward to in upcoming “Jersey Shore” episodes. But the fighting isn’t limited to what’s in front of the camera. Production insiders says that the cast is no longer a family, separating into cliques at the VMAs. What’s causing the cracks? Aside from Angelina, The Situation’s ego has become an even bigger problem than normal, thanks to him landing a gig on “Dancing with the Stars.” All these problems could mean an end for “Jersey Shore,” but also a possible spinoff for Snooki and JWoww. I would watch.
  • Though it was only a small blurb, I believe it deserves the Friskyverse’s further attention. LFO’s lead singer, Rich Cronin, lost his five-year battle against leukemia after coming out of remission. Before passing, the boy band singer started the Rich Cronin Hope Foundation to promote research to end leukemia. As a tween who grew up singing the horribly wonderful lyrics of “Summer Girls,” my heart aches.
  • Eye witnesses report that Britney Spears looks happy with beau Jason Trawick. And they say Brit was sporting a rather large rock on her ring finger. Insiders say that the ring is just an accessory, but that Spears is ready to make it real. It is Jason who is looking to take things slow, with an unnamed pal saying that the couple should be engaged within a year. Those unnamed friends never let you down. [Us Weekly]

  • Someone needs to stop playing games with Halle Berry’s heart. Sources say her new man and “Dark Tide” co-star Olivier Martinez is “incapable of staying with one woman for very long.” Olivier’s previous high-profile relationships include Kylie Minogue, Mira Sorvino, and supposedly Angelina Jolie, all of which ended with Olivier bailing before it got too serious. Though everyone says Halle will end up in his showcase of celebrity broken hearts, I think she knows better.
  • While Halle is the one waiting in line to get her heart broken, it seems like Demi Moore is at the front. In a Star exclusive interview, 21-year-old Brittney Jones shares details about her one-night-fling with Ashton Kutcher. The interview reads like a poor porno—Jones tells how she met Ashton while bowling with her family and gave him her number after he came up to talk to her. The exchange lead to a secret meeting at Kutcher’s family home, which turned into “tender and nice” sex on his couch. Brittney said she cut off contact shortly after, and promised to keep his secret. That totally happened.
  • She may be pregnant and eating pizza in Life & Style, but in Star, Kim Kardashian is a desperate lady trying to get a married man. Shengo Dean is the taken man who has Kim’s eye. The two met in Australia, after which Shengo—who is separated from his wife of three years—came back to L.A. to be Kim’s bodyguard. The two became close, sharing a recently aired kiss on “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” Kim admits she was aching for Shengo to stay in L.A. Only one big thing is standing in her way—her mom. Kris is said to be strongly against Kim spending time with a man who isn’t divorced yet. Maybe she got pregnant with his baby to make him stay? I predict that as next week’s cover. [Star]